• The Narcissist Next Door

  • Understanding the Monster in Your Family, in Your Office, in Your Bed - in Your World
  • By: Jeffrey Kluger
  • Narrated by: Jeffrey Kluger
  • Length: 9 hrs and 22 mins
  • 4.0 out of 5 stars (129 ratings)

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The Narcissist Next Door  By  cover art

The Narcissist Next Door

By: Jeffrey Kluger
Narrated by: Jeffrey Kluger
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Publisher's summary

From an award-winning senior writer at Time, an eye-opening exploration of narcissism, how to recognize it, and how to handle it.

The odds are good that you know a narcissist - probably a lot of them. The odds are also good that they are intelligent, confident, and articulate - the center of attention. They make you laugh and they make you think. The odds are also that this spell didn't last.

Narcissists are everywhere. There are millions of them in the United States alone: entertainers, politicians, business people, your neighbors. Recognizing and understanding them is crucial to your not being overtaken by them, says Jeffrey Kluger, in his provocative new book about this insidious disorder.

With insight and wit, Kluger frames the surprising new research on narcissism and explains the complex, exasperating personality disorder. He reveals how narcissism and narcissists affect our lives at work and at home, on the road, and in the halls of government; what to do when we encounter narcissism; and how to neutralize its effects before it's too late.

As a Time writer and science editor, Kluger knows how to take science's new ideas and transform them into smart, accessible insights. Highly listenable and deeply engaging, this book helps us understand narcissism and narcissists more fully.

©2014 Jeffrey Kluger (P)2014 Penguin Audio

Critic reviews

"[This] well-researched and entertaining study of the syndrome du jour pulls in figures as varied as Lance Armstrong, Kim Kardashian, and Steve Jobs. It also names 'exploitativeness' and 'entitlement' as two of the narcissist’s calling cards." (Slate)

"Narcissists can be captivating people, and The Narcissist Next Door is a captivating book: meticulously researched, written with verve, and spiced with irresistible examples from the headlines and everyday life." (Steven Pinker)

"We are surrounded by narcissists and from afar, they are often easy to like. They are famous entertainers, successful business people and politicians. The charm wears off quickly, though, if they get too close - your neighbors, friends or your own family. The brilliant Jeffrey Kluger, one of our country’s most admired science writers, has written a book that taught me a great deal, made me laugh out loud on a quiet airplane ride, and forced me to be introspective about myself and the people I love. Kluger gives a lot of himself in this book, deftly weaving cutting-edge science with poignant personal stories that are astonishingly candid, and at times very familiar. At the risk of sounding...well, narcissistic, I of course wondered if I fit any of the criteria. Chances are you are wondering the same thing. So open the book and find out." (Dr. Sanjay Gupta)

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What listeners say about The Narcissist Next Door

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Mean-Spirited Book

What would have made The Narcissist Next Door better?

Any practical advice around how to manage a relationship with a Narcissist that you are obliged to be in.

What was most disappointing about Jeffrey Kluger’s story?

The author used the book as a platform to castigate celebrities, professional athletes, business leaders and other public figures. The tone of the comments was hateful. He saved his deepest disdain for Republican or conservative politicians, torturing explanations to find fault with these while excusing Democratic or liberal contemporaries. Without the benefit of direct knowledge, he offered pop-culture psychological diagnosis on these targets more befitting of the National Enquirer than a serious work on this affliction.

How could the performance have been better?

No issues, well read.

Any additional comments?

One particularly amusing section of the book was the authors tortured logic in excusing the "Baby-Boom" generation from the Narcissist label. I'd guess this originates from the fact that he is one.

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9 people found this helpful

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Like Listening to a College Thesis

Is there anything you would change about this book?

This book is dry. Focuses too much on public figures like celebrities and athletes and gives too few examples of how to deal with or deflect the narcissist everyone encounters. The author states in the beginning that only 2% of the population is likely a diagnosable narcissist then goes on to label every CEO, politician, celebrity, or attention grabbing athlete as a narcissist. I found myself continually thinking "well no shit" every time he would outline a person like Hitler or Steve Jobs then label them a narcissist. My intention was to learn how to deal with the narcissist everyone encounters, especially in the work environment, instead I learned all reality stars, convicted violent inmates, politicians and every successful business owner is a narcissist according to Mr. Kluger. The book is well written, but I could have rummaged through some old psychology thesis' and gotten as much information.

Would you recommend The Narcissist Next Door to your friends? Why or why not?

Only if someone asked me specifically for a recommendation about a book on narcissism. So yes, I recommended it to my aunt.

Would you be willing to try another one of Jeffrey Kluger’s performances?

Yes, the book although the attempts at humor were unsuccessful, it was very well written and organized. The author was a bad choice as the narrator. Not the right type of voice. Grated on the nerves.

If this book were a movie would you go see it?

I don't think there is even a remote possibility this will ever be a movie.

Any additional comments?

It feels like the author wrote this book as sort of a revenge piece. You learn his background with Time magazine, he outlines his character and the bosses and other journalist that have slighted him in the past and then goes on to talk extremely negatively about very public figures, most he has never met, and label them divas and raging egomaniacs. While it is true in some cases--yes we all know that LeBron James and Miley Cyrus are narcissist. I wish he had written more about what makes a narcissist that way, be it nature or nurture, does narcissism correlate with sociopathic tendencies? When addressing a narcissist what tactics can you use to take the wind out of their sails but not throw them into a state of rage? It's not hard to pinpoint narcissistic behavior, I just want to learn how to deal with it. That was not part of this book.

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Read Martha Stout instead

Pros:
- Kluger took an integrated global and local approach to understanding narcism. For example, ingroup/outgroup thinking in war, sports teams, personal relationships.
- He did a great job at times of using critical thinking and writing skills when discussing twin studies, as well as some other studies.
- The chapter on relationships was fantastic.
- One main point from the relationship chapter was that ongoing self-centered and exploitive behavior is as damaging as many other types of recognized abuse. I have been lucky enough to have avoided this in my own life but have seen others obliterated by such behavior. It was nice to see him so clearly name it. I would like to see that more in books.
- His perspective on how narcissist fiercely love their ingroup (don't hurt my kid. they are the most important person in the world) while having zero empathy for outgroup (narcissists don't realize other people are actually humans with feelings or they don't care. If the person is not important to the narcissist, then that person is not important to the world) was great.

Cons:
- Kluger ripped of the title of his book from Marth Stout's The Sociopath Next Door. Dude, get your own title.
- He indulged in too many unsupported opinions (ie., kids these days need to play outside more.) He needs a refresher on control factors in studies and how they affect results.
- Clearly entertainers can be narcissists but dressing provocatively doesn't seem as much a sign of narcissism as it reflects what image sells. That said, his take on many public figures was pretty entertaining.

Even with the cons, it is without question one of the better books about narcissists I have read.

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Misleading book description

I thought this book would provide a detailed explanation of the narcissists profile in different settings: work, family etc... while the book touches on this issue, it consists more of a compilation of research that is loosely connected to the subject. The author describes some far-fetched phenomena that are in his opinion a reflection of narcissism. For instance, he goes into great lengths to explain that Jayson Blair case of plagiarism and fake reporting during his tenure at the NY Times showcase the newspaper narcissism. According to the author, the paper's reaction to this scandal with the publication of a lengthy explanation is a dramatic reaction compared to the issue at hand. The argument seems far-fetched since, it would be understandable that a newspaper whose success is built on its reputation, would likely explain and apologize for providing its readers with false reporting.

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    4 out of 5 stars

Interesting book!

If you have an interest in learning more about personality disorders I recommend this book especially if your interested in the dramatic disorders.

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Talks about clinical info without being a clinician.

It didn’t take long for me to realize this man has no idea what he’s talking about. The very fact that he felt qualified to write such damaging nonsense confirms he is indeed what the title describes. I recommend The Sociopath Next Door by Martha Stout PhD. More enlightening and an actually insight to these relationships, not just repeating WebMD or whichever of his traumas were triggered.

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Had no idea this book was about politics.

I just couldnt listen anymore with a couple of hours left. I just got out of a horrible 3 year relationship with someone who has as ll the traits of the disorder. Horrible person. A relative suggest this book as bout three years as go as after sharing some of the early red flags I was seeing. This book seems to claim that all of our presidents ed nts have this disorder. Done, couldnt finish because of all the psychology yadda y as dad yadda.

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Not the book that I thought it was

This book wasn’t for you, but who do you think might enjoy it more?

The book is a collection of stories about the great narcissists throughout history. Not what I wanted but I think others would like it

Would you be willing to try another book from Jeffrey Kluger? Why or why not?

Yes - - I would just have to make sure that I got a more research based book

Any additional comments?

He read the book well. My only issue with the writing is I believe he sensationalized the columbine school killings. He got into more detail with the killings than he did with other murdering narcissists - I did not like that

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Unsatisfying

A lot of words to say very little. Basic upshot, narcissistic behaviour is OK as long as you don’t over do it. No mention of the huge damage these people cause, especially to their children.
Narcissistic people are emotional muggers and abusers. Although touched on, was all rather down played.

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Disappointed

Felt that there is a bias in the writing of this book. Right from the beginning he talks about some politicians, all from one political group.

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