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The Last Testament
- A Memoir by God
- Narrated by: David Javerbaum
- Length: 9 hrs and 27 mins
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Publisher's summary
Over the course of his long and distinguished career, God has literally seen it all. And not just seen. In fact, the multi-talented deity has played a pivotal role in many major events, including the Creation of the universe, the entirety of world history, the life of every human being who has ever lived, and the successful transitioning of American Idol into the post-Simon Cowell era.
Now, as the earth he has godded so magnificently draws to a Mayan-induced close, God breaks his 1,400-year literary silence with his final masterpiece, The Last Testament.
As dictated to his mortal amanuensis, 11-time Emmy Award-winning comedy writer David Javerbaum, God looks back with unprecedented candor on his time in the public sector. He takes us behind the scenes of Genesis, setting the record (un)straight on the real first couple, Adam and Steve, and challenging long-held notions about the viability of containing a phylogenetically complete double bestiary within a 450,000-cubic-cubit watercraft.
For the first time, he breaks his silence on Jesus Christ, shedding light on a father-son relationship as heartwarming as Will and Jaden Smith’s. And he reveals his true feelings about his third great faith, Islam, WHICH ARE NOTHING BUT POSITIVE AND RESPECTFUL.
But The Last Testament doesn’t just look back. It also offers God’s perspectives on the perennial quagmires of love, marriage, and smiting. And he takes an 27.99 unfiltered look at contemporary society, addressing such hot-button topics as:
- Why he loves America
- What he listens for in a good prayer
- Which sports teams he really roots for
- Which celebrities are totally gay
Sometimes preachy, sometimes holier-than-thou, but always lively, The Last Testament is a tale of courage, adversity, and triumph. It’s the ultimate celebrity autobiography, sure to appeal to not only hardcore God fans and "worshipers", but to anyone who’s ever had total omnipotence. If you place complete faith in the literal truth of one book written by God, make it The Last Testament.
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Superstar comedian and Hollywood box-office star Kevin Hart turns his immense talent to the written word by writing some words. Some of those words include: the, a, for, above, and even even. Put them together and you have the funniest, most heartfelt, and most inspirational memoir on survival, success, and the importance of believing in yourself since Old Yeller.
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Best Audiobook I Ever Listened To
- By Sam Clear on 07-13-17
By: Neil Strauss - contributor, and others
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Brackish Waters
- By: Matt Boren
- Narrated by: Christina Applegate
- Length: 1 hr and 55 mins
- Original Recording
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When Kate wins an item at her children’s elementary school auction - an all-inclusive trip to SeaView at Sandpiper Bay - she thinks it’s just what her family needs after a decade of career disappointments and a marriage on its last legs. She has no reason to believe that said trip is a Fyre Festival-level fraud and, in fact, the catalyst to her unraveling. But it is. Oh, but it is.
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Christina Applegate is everything
- By Julie on 03-21-21
By: Matt Boren
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American Psycho
- By: Bret Easton Ellis
- Narrated by: Pablo Schreiber
- Length: 16 hrs and 29 mins
- Unabridged
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Patrick Bateman moves among the young and trendy in 1980s Manhattan. Young, handsome, and well educated, Bateman earns his fortune on Wall Street by day while spending his nights in ways we cannot begin to fathom. Expressing his true self through torture and murder, Bateman prefigures an apocalyptic horror that no society could bear to confront.
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Fanntastic book but maybe not for everyone....
- By So Fain on 03-27-11
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Breakfast of Champions
- By: Kurt Vonnegut
- Narrated by: John Malkovich
- Length: 6 hrs and 27 mins
- Unabridged
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Breakfast of Champions (1973) provides frantic, scattershot satire and a collage of Vonnegut's obsessions. His recurring cast of characters and American landscape was perhaps the most controversial of his canon; it was felt by many at the time to be a disappointing successor to Slaughterhouse-Five, which had made Vonnegut's literary reputation.
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Kurt Was Right to Grade This a C
- By Dubi on 01-10-16
By: Kurt Vonnegut
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Escape from Virtual Island
- An Audio Comedy
- By: John Lutz
- Narrated by: Paul Rudd, Jack McBrayer, Sue Galloway, and others
- Length: 4 hrs and 28 mins
- Original Recording
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In the year 2038, there’s only one destination that can play host to the world’s wealthiest adventure seekers: the Pengalaman Island Resort and Virtual Reality Theme Park. Located on a private South Pacific island, guests here live out their wildest fantasies in custom-made virtual reality simulations while also enjoying the usual amenities of an exclusive five-star getaway. All is relatively breezy until famed billionaire and avid guest, Mr. Wagner, goes missing within a virtual simulation. His only hope? A daring rescue led by Derek Ambrose and his ragtag search party.
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Story is a Bit Stupid
- By Jeffrey veals on 04-03-20
By: John Lutz
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Made in America
- By: Bill Bryson
- Narrated by: William Roberts
- Length: 18 hrs and 10 mins
- Unabridged
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In Made in America, Bryson de-mythologizes his native land, explaining how a dusty hamlet with neither woods nor holly became Hollywood, how the Wild West wasn't won, why Americans say 'lootenant' and 'Toosday', how Americans were eating junk food long before the word itself was cooked up, as well as exposing the true origins of the G-string, the original $64,000 question, and Dr Kellogg of cornflakes fame.
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Bryson Not Reading Makes For a Rare Fail
- By John on 02-28-14
By: Bill Bryson
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The Heron
- By: Don Winslow
- Narrated by: Ed Harris
- Length: 1 hr and 6 mins
- Original Recording
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“The Heron” is the nickname a big-city accountant has attached to himself in his new home near San Diego, where he’s using the alias to avoid a hit man who may be after him. It seems a former client believes that The Heron has skipped town with several million dollars not his own. Don Winslow’s ensuing, entertaining yarn is by turns twisty, dark, and comical as we observe the delicate dance between the pursuer and the pursued.
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Awfully long middle for such a short story
- By 🔥 Phx17 🔥 on 07-29-22
By: Don Winslow
What listeners say about The Last Testament
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Marc Jaffe
- 11-30-11
I Am Smitten
Not smitten in the way the Almighty liked to smite, but in a good way. I see that I am the first reviewer, perhaps because others fear that if they were critical of this book then they might be cast into the waters or cast into the depths or cast asunder. Yet I have no fear, for I bring only praise. Not just for God, but for his casting. This time it's not asunder, but Javerbaum and In choosing him, God has picked the perfect reader. Pitch, tone, nuance, timing - it's all there. Javerbaum does a great God impression and it had me laughing the whole way. I'm sure this book is funny on the page, but I can't imagine it is as good as hearing Javerbaum's rendition.
My only hesitation in buying this was my fear that the conceit wouldn't sustain, but, verily and merrily, (also the name of a famous sister vaudeville act) though I'm only 3 hours in, it still works and I'm still loving it and I couldn't wait to recommend it, which am doing not just here, but to all my friends and my mother and my Rabbi as soon as I see him.
Lest you think I'm an easy laugh, I will tell you that I am not. Like Javerbaum, I have been a stand-up comedian and a writer for sitcoms (Seinfeld) and can tell you that generally other comedy writers make for a tough room. Even good humor books, though I appreciate them, rarely surprise me. We comedy writers already have the jokes figured out. However, this one constantly has me laughing out loud.
I usually delete my books as soon as I'm done, but this one will stay on there to listen to again and to play favorite excerpts for others. Praise the Lord.
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16 people found this helpful
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- andrew
- 02-01-12
Divine comedy!!:-)
Would you recommend this audiobook to a friend? If so, why?
Absolutely YES! Immensely funny; new; highly entertaining
Who was your favorite character and why?
A-Team
Which scene was your favorite?
The celebrities's dirty secrets
Was there a moment in the book that particularly moved you?
The whole book..it shook me...I was shaking with laughter
Any additional comments?
Not for religious zealots
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7 people found this helpful
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- D EVANS
- 12-15-16
Too much of a good thing quickly turns boring
I have started listening to this book twice. First attempt I got about 3 hours into it (to about the story if Moses) this time I'm about 5.5 house into and I honestly can't remeber what I listened to last (I was somewhere around the site of the prodigal son but I can't tell you a thing about it).
That's the problem with this book. it starts off pretty funny but the humor doesn't change enough and now I just don't care to listen anymore.
David Jacerbaum has an easy flowing writing style and he reads the book well. Great emotion, voice, and timing. But I feel that this "account" would go over much better with me in 'vignettes' or episodes not 9+hours stright.
As often happens with absurdist satire the concept, and even initial execution, is funny. But it just isn't enough to keep it going.
I'm now torn between really not wanting to listen to the rest (another 4.5 hours) and my obsessive need to finish every book I start. "God" knows I don't want to come back and start this book a third time!
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3 people found this helpful
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- David G. Edelstein
- 04-03-12
A really awful book
What disappointed you about The Last Testament?
Too many poor jokes. A neat idea just destroyed by one awful joke after another.
Any additional comments?
Can I get my money back?
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3 people found this helpful
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- Charles
- 03-03-12
Starts good ...but...
Where does The Last Testament rank among all the audiobooks you’ve listened to so far?
The book does not rank that high at all. I knew about the book when it was in print, however I waited for the audio book.
What was most disappointing about David Javerbaum (contributor)’s story?
The story started off great, however it just started getting ridiculous. I just had to stop listening to it.. it was that bad.
Which character – as performed by David Javerbaum – was your favorite?
n/a
Was this a book you wanted to listen to all in one sitting?
not at all.
Any additional comments?
The story started great! The author was great in description and story line. I think it was when the story got into the part where God was getting married that it was just off the wall. At that point, I had a hard time staying focused on the book and it was just getting more ridiculous at that point. I just stopped. I didn't even get to the second part of the book.
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2 people found this helpful
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- Aimee
- 02-15-12
not the best
What would have made The Last Testament better?
I tried to listen to this book many times and just couldn't get into it i even skipped ahead and just didn't like it.
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2 people found this helpful
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- D. H. Sempeck
- 03-10-15
The Book of the Tweet of God
Strong start - Weak finish, but ultimately worth reading. Smart laughs more often than cheap jokes. General knowledge of the Big 3 Abrahamic religions a must for some bits. Definitely worth my time. Would recommend to atheists and religious moderates with a sense of humor.
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- kknox66
- 01-30-24
Great listen, could have been shorter
I really enjoyed David Javerbaum's (er God's) last ebook. And very much enjoyed most of this one. Once he started counting down the days to the apocalypse, it seemed a bit redundant. I do enjoy learning new things because I was never one to want to spend the time reading the entire bible. I will continue to look for new material from the author. Great cover too!!
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- Julia
- 01-20-22
Requires the right sense of humor
I read this 10 years ago when it first came out. I thought it was HILARIOUS! Listening to it again in 2021-2022, I realized there is a lot that is insensitive. There are still plenty of good-humored laughs, some pieces of wisdom, and good prompts for reflection on Judeo-Christian faith.
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- Justin
- 12-12-21
Amazing book
Such a great book its helped me to be more wise and helped me a lot.
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