By the Time You Read This, I'll Be Dead

By: Julie Anne Peters

Narrated by: Kathryn Merry

Length: 6 hrs and 5 mins

Publisher's summary

After a lifetime of being bullied, Daelyn is broken beyond repair. She has tried to kill herself before, and is determined to get it right this time. Though her parents think they can protect her, she finds a Web site for "completers" that seems made just for her. She blogs on its forums, purging her harrowing history. At her private Catholic school, the only person who interacts with her is a boy named Santana. No matter how poorly she treats him, he just won’t leave her alone. And it's too late for Daelyn to be letting people into her life...isn’t it?

In this harrowing, compelling novel, Julie Anne Peters shines a light on what might make a teenager want to kill herself, as well as how she might start to bring herself back from the edge. A discussion guide and resource list prepared by "bullycide" expert C. J. Bott are included in the back matter.

©2010 Julie Anne Peters (P)2013 Audible, Inc.

Pitch perfect

Grade: A+

Daelyn, depressed and damaged after years of bullying and several attempts to end her life, finds a website for suicidal people to plan and execute their demise. She's unable to speak and barely communicates with her parents, doctors and classmates. She meets a talkative, quirky boy, determined to break through her stoic exterior, to be her friend. But all Daelyn can't allow herself to get close, not when she's supposed to be disengaging from people to make her suicide easier.

BY THE TIME YOU READ THIS, I'LL BE DEAD is heartbreaking, breathtaking look inside the mind of an extremely depressed teenage girl. Daelyn's parents love her, but they're ineffectual when relating and understanding her pain from the time she was a young child. She probably should have been in therapy from a very young age, but her parents didn't realize the depth of her self-loathing and inner torment. Daelyn was never honest about the depth of the bullying she experienced. A perfectly imperfect storm.

Daelyn was so full of despair, she was unable to see the impact of her often cold behavior on her parents and those who tried to befriend her. I found her easy to root for, even though she stopped rooting for herself. I wanted to take her back in time and urge her to tell on the bullies and abusers, to show her she was worth more than the way others treated her.

Santana proved to be the Yang to Daelyn's Yin. He embraced life with gusto and vigor and wouldn't let go of his desire to befriend her. His approach was so genteel and nonthreatening that she wasn't scared away.

Some readers may find BY THE TIME YOU READ THIS, I'LL BE DEAD depressing and dark, but Julie Ann Peters did a great job tempering Daelyn's despair with a subtly sarcastic, engaging voice. As I reader I had the hope Daelyn lacked. Just like life, there are no easy answers in this novel. Peters avoids the clichéd ending of easy answers, sunshine and rainbows.

THEMES: depression, suicide, bullying, family

BY THE TIME YOU READ THIS, I'LL BE DEAD is an unconventional story of a teen contemplating suicide.

ETA: The audiobook was extremely well-narrated.

4/5

This story has left a sad pull on my heart. A young girl with a death plan and a boy who is basically counting down his days. one yerns what the other has, one is determined to figure the other out. It made me happy seeing a character who even when rejected so many times, from friendship, romance, even a simple conversation. Knew she was suicidal and wanted to open her up. The ending of course will piss those off, cliffhangers suck. But it leaves the imagination open. Who died first is what will be on my mind. I liked the story, the stuggle, and hearing others on the forum. It deviates me, makes me feel greatful for the problems I have and struggle with. hearing someones story, knowing them, putting myself in their shoes, gives me my own answers.

Raw, unnerving and funny

If you’ve even dealt with bullying or sexual assault, if you’ve ever been fat, teased, taunted or insulted this book will make you hurt. It will rip open old wounds and make you ant to scream. If you have children, it will make you want to grab them, wrap them in bubble wrap and lock them indoors. I think parent and young children alike should read this, parents so they’re not so oblivious and children so they understand to speak up, defend themselves and that it doesn’t last forever and that school is the lease important part of your life socially. And that it does get better. The needing however might piss some people off. It an unresolved cliff hanger. Not my favorite type of book.

a lot of build up to nothing

The story was good until the last 3 chapters when I realized I just wasted my time because it felt incomplete, it felt like the author got tired of writing at the end and just gave up on the story.
.

Nope!

Trigger warning, spoilers, blah blah blah.

This book was a complete waste of time and materials. The highlight is that it was a short read.

15-year old Daelyn tried and failed to take her life twice, having been bullied for her weight as a child. Labeling herself a failure, she's determined to end things versus considering the alternative.
Following her inner monologue, as her last attempt wrought havoc on her speaking ability, Daelyn is set on disconnection; going through the motions at home and shirking genuine human connection. (Deep depression is crippling, I get it. This did not feel/ or read like deep depression.)

Daelyn stumbles on a website chock full of forums, chats, tips, and tricks for suix!de. She proceeds to count down the days, faking it all the while. When her "date of determination" arrives, we're left with an open ending. Did she? Or did she change her mind?

The intended audience is 10-14-year olds with scientifically underdeveloped brains. The main character is flat and painfully sarcastic. She's medicated and monitored by loving parents, but I found it awkward and unbelievable when her parents were allowed to be present and speak for her in a therapy session. That felt irresponsible.
Daelyn tells clipped stories about her experiences and abuse, including fat camp. She managed to lose weight but is still uninspired to make further changes to improve her life.
The website thing didn't shock, but did feel absurd. If one is so determined, why let a website dictate your choice and process? It began to feel like ideation. I know 13 Reasons Why got criticized for the same thing, but at least its main character elicited understanding and compassion in telling her story. This book did not do that with no detectable moral, lesson or redemption.
Lastly, I don’t know if the audible reader did any favors for the main character. There was nearly a chipper undertone.

I would not recommend this book.
I want a refund.