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Ilya Muromets is a big, ugly, motherless boy who does not look like anyone else in his Oregon town. His father is often absent on mysterious Church missionary work that involves silver bullets, sacred lances, and black helicopters. Ilya works as a janitor for Professor Achitophel Dreadful of the Cryptozoological Museum of Scientific Curiosities, and he has a hopeless crush on the Professor's daughter, Penelope, who pays him little attention and appears to be under the impression that his name is Marmoset.
One night, when Professor Dreadful escapes from the asylum to which he has been temporarily committed, he sends a warning to Ilya that not only is his Many Worlds theory correct, but those many worlds are dominated by an unthinkably powerful enemy determined to destroy anyone who opens the Moebius Ring between the worlds. And, as it happens, prior to his involuntary absence, the Professor left his transdimensional equipment in the basement of the Museum plugged-in and running....
So it is that Ilya, as he has secretly dreamed, is called upon to save the mad scientist's beautiful daughter. With his squirrel gun, his grandfather's sword, and his father's crucifix, Ilya races to save the girl, and, incidentally, the world.
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By Peguy on 04-19-17
Not perfect, but extremely amusing
Somewhither was extremely amusing and a little tiresome. Amusing because the world John C Wright creates is so absurdly ridiculous, and because his jokes and quips are quite funny. A little tiresome because the story is narrated from the perspective of an adolescent dorky guy who obsesses over things adolescent guys frequently obsess over, like girls' curves. Granted, those obsessions might be realistic to include, and maybe the author intended for me to roll my eyes at times. In any case, the tiresome bits ended quickly and the story moved on and became enjoyable again.
It was still very fun (it is nearly nonstop action), and maybe even a little bit edifying. Not very edifying, but arguably a little.
BTW, this book is nothing like Narnia or anything I'd characterize as a "Christian book". It is far too weird and ridiculous to be lumped into a category with them. Yes, Christianity is mentioned in some spots, but so are Norse gods, Egyptian gods, vampires, astrology, and Avatar the Last Airbender. It contains about 1/50th the philosophizing as a typical Orson Scott Card novel. If you avoid Christian literature in general, you might still love this book if you give it a chance.
3 of 3 people found this review helpful