In Women Can't Hear What Men Don't Say, Dr. Warren Farrell teaches us how to handle personal criticism without becoming defensive. He explains how being defensive evolved biologically when criticism was the sign of an enemy--and “putting up our defenses” was necessary for physical survival. However, Farrell says, “Defensiveness is the Achilles’ Heel of love.”
In love, our primal need is to feel understood. In Dr. Farrell’s words, "I have never heard someone say, 'I want a divorce, my partner understands me.” Ironically, the deeper our love, the more vulnerable we feel, the more defensive we become. Soon, couples feel they are walking on eggshells. Raising children means less time for communication, but more reason to stay together. The result: passion fades, and we are legally married but physiologically divorced. Or in a minimum-security-prison marriage.
The solution? In Women Can’t Hear What Men Don’t Say, Dr. Farrell teaches us how to emotionally associate being criticized with the potential for being loved. Since being defensive is biologically natural, Dr. Farrell creates an alternative method--similar to a “work-around” that we might create to avoid faulty hardwiring in our computer’s software.
Dr. Farrell’s methods are the culmination of thirty years of experience with thousands of men and women in workshops, groups and seminars. He shows how to use the strategies that create love at home to also produce success and respect in the workplace.
In this audio book, Dr. Farrell, selected by the Financial Times as one of the world’s top 100 Thought Leaders, personally summarized and reads the books content. A Book-of-the-Month Club section that has been praised by celebrities, therapists, and couples as brilliant. See http://warrenfarrell.com/136-2/.
"You can hardly read a sentence in this fascinating book without thinking: ‘Really? I didn’t know that!’ Warren Farrell is a true pioneer.” (Bernard Goldberg, reporter, CBS News)
“I learned more from the first hundred pages of this book than from anything I’ve ever read about how to communicate in a relationship.” (Cathy Guisewite, syndicated cartoonist, Cathy)
“Dr. Warren Farrell is one of the most original thinkers of our time.” (Nancy Friday, bestselling author Women on Top, etc.)
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Warren's a great narrator. Powerful & fact based.
- Joachim Møller
This book's first few chapters are really wonderful and get into some pretty clear gender differences and how men can suffer from having limited access to their own vulnerability and to friends and loved ones who create space for true authentic sharing. I love this because I do think men deserve to have our society rally behind them becoming more emotionally available, skilled and able to be better friends, lovers and communicators. I do think we can overlook this shortcoming or rigid role expectation with men. I removed some stars mostly because mid-way through the book it took a deviation from a social psychology bent to more of the authors memoirs and into some stronger gender politics that were clearly painful for the author. I didn't mind per se, but it took this book from a book I could refer to couples to a book I can't use other than for my own interest. Perhaps if I was teaching a class on Gender and Psychology it would be an interesting counterpart, but I'm not at the moment. So I just wish the author had a more distinct focus for this book... write either a memoir or a social psychology book.