Why Won't You Apologize?

  • by Harriet Lerner
  • Narrated by Cassandra Campbell
  • 4 hrs and 36 mins
  • Unabridged Audiobook

Publisher's Summary

Renowned psychologist and best-selling author of The Dance of Anger sheds new light on the two most important words in the English language - I'm sorry - and offers a unique perspective on the challenge of healing broken connections and restoring trust.
Dr. Harriet Lerner has been studying apologies - and why some people won't give them - for more than two decades. Now she offers compelling stories and solid theory that bring home how much the simple apology matters and what is required for healing when the hurt we've inflicted (or received) is far from simple. Listeners will learn how to craft a deeply meaningful "I'm sorry" and avoid apologies that only deepen the original injury.
Why Won't You Apologize? also addresses the compelling needs of the injured party - the one who has been hurt by someone who won't apologize, tell the truth, or feel remorse. Lerner explains what drives both the non-apologizer and the over-apologizer, as well as why the people who do the worst things are the least able to own up. She helps the injured person resist pressure to forgive too easily and challenges the popular notion that forgiveness is the only path to peace of mind. With her trademark humor and wit, Lerner offers a joyful and sanity-saving guide to setting things right.

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful

Everyone needs to read this!

Would you recommend this audiobook to a friend? If so, why?

I am a Licensed Professional Counselor and I am having all of my clients read this book. It is so helpful in giving vocabulary to the process of giving and receiving an apology. The author uses many personal examples through out the book to illustrate her points, and I saw myself identified in both the helpful and unhelpful apologies. The book has definitely made me mindful of my words, and given me more intentionality in interactions with others. I have enjoyed dialoguing about it with my counseling clients as we workshop through their own situations.

Excellent resource!


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- Kristen Turner

Wonderful Insight

I thought I was good at taking responsibility for my behavior and limiting the number of times I have to apologize, however this taught me so many different perspectives about the pain and hurtful behavior or silence of the people who hurt us. We think they have no reason or right to be the a$$ who already made us feel " victimized " yet they are still playing the victim card...really.. This helped me to stop asking why me/ what the hell/what can/should I do or WHY IS HE /SHE TREATING ME POORLY ONTOP OF POOR when I was the one who had betrayed so badly and did the work to be treated as dirt, after being dumped on the first 50 times. I had forgiven and released the resentment and pain from the all my open wounds along time ago however I never had the closure and insight from the other persons pain and resentment towards me. I do think this book gave me the reassurance that this didnt happen to me, it happened for me( in my mind. There crurlty had nothing to do with me necessarily, it was never about me and everything to do with them and their emotional state. Im more empathetic and compassionate bc of my practices and understanding of mindfulness yet this book gave me 85% MORE VIRTUOUS Motivation towards my relationships. Im especially referring to my husband. Bc of this its been my source and its because if this that we are moving back to reunite. It has helped him to soften his heart towards me and for me. I advise anyone in partnership with harbouring resentment towards them to read and listen to this three times and pass it on!!
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- Amanda

Book Details

  • Release Date: 01-10-2017
  • Publisher: Simon & Schuster Audio