Regular price: $21.31

Membership details Membership details
  • A 30-day trial plus your first audiobook, free.
  • 1 credit/month after trial – good for any book, any price.
  • Easy exchanges – swap any book you don’t love.
  • Keep your audiobooks, even if you cancel.
  • After your trial, Audible is just $14.95/month.
Select or Add a new payment method

Buy Now with 1 Credit

By confirming your purchase, you agree to Audible's Conditions of Use and Amazon's Privacy Notice. Taxes where applicable.

Buy Now for $21.31

Pay using card ending in
By confirming your purchase, you agree to Audible's Conditions of Use and Amazon's Privacy Notice. Taxes where applicable.

Publisher's Summary

Iconic couples' therapist and best-selling author Esther Perel returns with a provocative look at relationships through the lens of infidelity, providing the insight we so desperately need to help us move beyond a simplistic discussion.
An affair: it can rob a couple of their relationship, their happiness, their very identity. Adultery has existed since marriage was invented, and so, too, have the prohibitions against it - in fact adultery has a tenacity that marriage can only envy. And yet this extremely common human experience is so poorly understood. What are we to make of this time-honoured taboo - universally forbidden yet universally practiced? Why do people cheat? When we say 'infidelity', what exactly do we mean? Is there such a thing as an affair-proof marriage? Is it possible to love more than one person at once? Can an affair ever help a marriage?
Psychotherapist Esther Perel is recognised as one of the most insightful and original voices on modern love. For the past 10 years, she has worked with hundreds of couples who have grappled with infidelity. Betrayal hurts, she argues, but healing is possible. An affair can even be the doorway to a new marriage - with the same person. With the right approach, couples can learn from these tumultuous experiences, together or apart. Weaving real-life stories with incisive psychological and cultural analysis, Perel invites listeners into a truly revealing exploration of modern marriage.
©2017 Esther Perel (P)2017 HarperCollins Publishers
Show More Show Less

Critic Reviews

"Beautiful. A brilliantly intelligent plea for complexity, understanding, and - as always - kindness." (Alain de Botton)
"Esther Perel does nothing short of strip us of our deepest biases, remind us of our purpose in connecting as lovers, and save relationships that might otherwise sink into the sea-all with even-handed wisdom, fresh morality, and wise prose. Thank heavens for this woman." (Lena Dunham, author of Not That Kind of Girl)
Show More Show Less

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful
5 out of 5 stars
By Maria Jorquiera on 10-31-17

Fantastic insight even for singles

I am single and while listening to this book, I have learned so much about myself. Amazing stories and new light into accepting that relationships are not black and white, and that is up to you to build one in the best way that serves you.

Read More Hide me

2 of 2 people found this review helpful

5 out of 5 stars
By Anonymous User on 11-25-17

Insightful and well produced

What a treat to hear Esther’s wisdom from her own mouth. I recommend the book to all couples, not just those affected by infidelity.

Read More Hide me

1 of 1 people found this review helpful

See all Reviews

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful
5 out of 5 stars
By regarnol on 01-16-18

Listen with your partner

If you could sum up The State of Affairs in three words, what would they be?

A powerful, intrinsic reminder

Was there a moment in the book that particularly moved you?

From start to finish my partner and I were glued to this book. We played it during a long car journey and the conversations, insights and reflections that we both took away will stay with us for the rest of our lives.

Read More Hide me

1 of 1 people found this review helpful

5 out of 5 stars
By Pepe on 11-26-17

A very informative introspective on infedelity from many angles

Most people have a simplified view about affairs which sums up to either he has the affair because he is a sex addict or she has it because she lacks something on the relationship. This book shows a much more complex set of circumstances, motifs, developments and attitudes relating to affairs.

Some of the things you may not be expecting are the meaning the affair may carry for the infidel, a chapter devoted to the other person, and good final summary about how affairs end and affect relationships and a bit of advice on how to avoid them. The chapter on alternatives to monogamy is informative too.

Esther Perel reads her own book with a very clear voice. Following her style, the book is full of pompous words and you may not find many of them on common dictionaries. As this is an audio book, that amount of verbosity is not as bad as it is when you read directly on paper. She also likes to reinterpret words to give them different meanings like repair = re-pair. I find these two things a bit annoying, on an otherwise intelligent and very sensitive book.

Read More Hide me

1 of 1 people found this review helpful

See all Reviews

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful
5 out of 5 stars
By Charlie R on 10-26-17

Fantastic

An incredible insight into infidelity. It completely challenged and widened my understanding of how we view infidelity and it's repercussions.

Read More Hide me

1 of 1 people found this review helpful

5 out of 5 stars
By Anonymous User on 04-12-18

Intriguing

Engaging, insightful. Intelligent and logical without advocation.Calming.A great resource for understanding the complexities and causes of betrayal.

Read More Hide me
See all Reviews
© Copyright 1997 - 2018 Audible, Inc