The Emotionally Abusive Relationship: How to Stop Being Abused and How to Stop Abusing

  • by Beverly Engel
  • Narrated by Deanna Hurst
  • 10 hrs and 2 mins
  • Unabridged Audiobook

Publisher's Summary

The number of people who become involved with partners who abuse them emotionally and/or who are emotionally abusive themselves is phenomenal, and yet emotional abuse is the least understood form of abuse. In this breakthrough book, Beverly Engel, one of the world's leading experts on the subject, shows us what emotional abuse is and what to do about it. Whether you suspect you are being emotionally abused, fear that you might be emotionally abusing your partner, or think that both you and your partner are emotionally abusing each other, this book is for you.
The Emotionally Abusive Relationship will tell you how to identify emotional abuse and how to find the roots of your behavior. Combining dramatic personal stories with action steps to heal, Engel provides prescriptive strategies that will allow you and your partner to work together to stop bringing out the worst in each other and stop the abuse. By teaching those who are being emotionally abused how to help themselves and those who are being emotionally abusive how to stop abusing, The Emotionally Abusive Relationship offers the expert guidance and support you need.


What the Critics Say

"Engel doesn't just describe - she shows us the way out." (Susan Forward, author of Emotional Blackmail)
"In this book, Beverly Engel clearly and with caring offers step-by-step strategies to stop emotional abuse. . . helping both victims and abusers to identify the patterns of this painful and traumatic type of abuse. This book is a guide both for individuals and for couples stuck in the tragic patterns of emotional abuse." (Marti Loring, Ph.D., author of Emotional Abuse and coeditor of The Journal of Emotional Abuse)
"This groundbreaking book succeeds in helping people stop emotional abuse by focusing on both the abuser and the abused and showing each party what emotional abuse is, how it affects the relationship, and how to stop it. Its unique focus on the dynamic relationship makes it more likely that each person will grasp the tools for change and really use them." (Randi Kreger, author of The Stop Walking on Eggshells Workbook and owner of


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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful

This was such a great book!

Would you listen to The Emotionally Abusive Relationship: How to Stop Being Abused and How to Stop Abusing again? Why?

I may refer to it. I'm not sure if I'd like to listen to it over again. It's somewhat difficult to hear and it's very emotionally draining to actively try to recognize and change your behaviors.

What was one of the most memorable moments of The Emotionally Abusive Relationship: How to Stop Being Abused and How to Stop Abusing?

I'm not sure. The entire thing had very profound moments.

Have you listened to any of Deanna Hurst’s other performances before? How does this one compare?

No. However, I absolutely loved her voice narrating this. She did a wonderful job.

What insight do you think you’ll apply from The Emotionally Abusive Relationship: How to Stop Being Abused and How to Stop Abusing?

I will apply this to my relationship.

Any additional comments?

I already knew that I had an abusive past. I am a Psychology major and I've been very introspective. I also knew that I was in a constant battle of emotional abuse in my current relationship. However, I knew I wasn't innocent, and I knew he wasn't either. We played off of each other. When one person was emotionally abusive, the other person would just emotionally abuse them later. We both came from parents that emotionally abused us. After reading this book, I realized that we were both reenacting our pasts in an attempt to solve them and end up with a better outcome. I have some similarities with his mother and he has some similarities with my father. However, he doesn't see it this way.

That's why I needed to find this book, so I could attempt to discover ways to change my patterns, and hopefully, in turn, change his as well. It's only been a couple days, but I already notice a difference in how I perceive my feelings and how he reacts to my words. I express myself by saying how I actually FEEL instead of blaming and threatening to leave. When he insults or degrades me, I point it out assertively but not painstakingly and he admits to it, and stops. I have a lot of hope that our relationship will benefit from this. I know we can get past our communication challenges. It was an amazing book.

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- Nicolette

Must read if you & your partner fight

If you could sum up The Emotionally Abusive Relationship: How to Stop Being Abused and How to Stop Abusing in three words, what would they be?

May have saved my life. I was in despair in my relationship, thanks to this book I came to recognize what was actually going on and my part in it and what I could do to change it. Still don't know if this relationship will work, however it has improved significantly and, I personally, have made significant progress.

Who was your favorite character and why?


What three words best describe Deanna Hurst’s performance?

Easy Listening

Was there a moment in the book that particularly moved you?


Any additional comments?

Must read for anyone in a conflicted relationship. You can be in an abusive relationship and not realize it, your and/or your partner may operate with a very hurtful attitude, which results in emotional abuse. Her wisdom can be relationship saving and even life saving!

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- Lenny

Book Details

  • Release Date: 07-31-2012
  • Publisher: Audible Studios