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What made the experience of listening to Siblings Without Rivalry the most enjoyable?
It was easy to follow and gave great examples. Looking at the parents early lives helped. I listen while I drive and one of the times my boys were in the vehicle with me and they did not want me to turn it off. The enjoyed it also!
What other book might you compare Siblings Without Rivalry to and why?
Nothing I have ever read has been this good, on dealing with siblings.
Which scene was your favorite?
It had many good parts and all worked together for the good of my boys.
Was there a moment in the book that particularly moved you?
How they compare the new sibling scenario to inviting another husband or wife into the situation. That really made a difference for me. If my husband got another wife how would I feel, how would I like sharing my things with her, how would I deal with sharing his attention. Nicely done! I cannot explain it so that all can understand but if you have issues between siblings THIS IS THE BOOK FOR YOU!
Any additional comments?
It has made my home a nicer place to be. We talk it out and apply what I learned from the book and it is unbelievable. I am so happy. I am not even all the way through but it is that good, already!
9 of 9 people found this review helpful
My review is written from a Christian perspective. If you're secular, disregard me. But, this book has many Biblical references and is popular in many Christian communities, so I don't think my opinions are irrelevant. (There are 2 authors but I'll be referring to them mostly in the singular as they do in their text). This book definitely offers many great situational solutions; ways to defuse conflict and listen in ways that make kids feel validated, mostly. However, an underlying theme is that you shouldn't discourage a child from expressing extremely negative things about others, and that some children just aren't meant to like each other. No unreasonable or viscous thought is off limits; we're told to never correct or invalidate any of these statements and feelings. Suzy wants to burn Sally alive and watch birds pick at her crisped carcass because she got a better grade on a test? We're not supposed to challenge that! The proof is in the pudding though... so has it led to their kids being shining examples of sibling harmony? No, she (they) are very honest in admitting that their kids are as cruel and violent as anyone else's (which is fair enough!). At one point, one of the authors recounts an incident where her older son heated up a spoon on the hot coil of a stove, and then burnt his younger sibling on the neck with it. That's terrifying and cruel, NOT just normal kid stuff, and it was a critical moment when the authors lost some credibility as 2nd generation parenting experts for me. If things in their homes aren't exceptionally better than Joe-shmoe, whyyyy am I paying for their advice? Where is the fruit of their wise guidance? The authors don't claim to have a solution to correcting the HEART of the issues between siblings... and that's where Siblings Without Rivalry fails. They just provide really great tips for managing one crisis situation after another. The book left me feeling hopeless, as the main takeaway is that we as parents are powerless to address the REAL issues of our kids' sinful hearts (pride, anger, selfishness, jealousy, etc), and instead should focus on cultivating skills to merely survive until the kids either learn to like each other, or are grown and don't have to live together any more. Ultimately, I felt this book actually encouraged very self-centered thinking in our kids through the constant validation (to be clear, they don't say to AGREE with your kids, but to mostly offer generic, non-corrective acknowledgement of what they've said, such as " wow, yeah, I'm hearing that you really want to burn Sally alive!". To an angry person, seemingly-neutral acknowledgement like that is as good as approval). A home (or world) full of self-centered people isn't a very enjoyable place to live, and I'm not merely aiming for "surviving until they're off to college"... so this was a disappointing read.
Some valuable solutions here for conflict management, but gets us no closer to cracking into the heart of our kids' conflicts or teaching them to be gracious and Christlike with one another.
15 of 16 people found this review helpful