• Not a Match

  • My True Tales of Online Dating Disasters
  • By: Brian Donovan
  • Narrated by: Ax Norman
  • Length: 2 hrs and 11 mins
  • 3.1 out of 5 stars (1,543 ratings)

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Not a Match  By  cover art

Not a Match

By: Brian Donovan
Narrated by: Ax Norman
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Editorial reviews

Brian Donovan’s comic tale of his history with Internet dating might seem mean-spirited if the criticism weren’t, in large part, self-deprecating. Donovan, who’s written for Late Night With Jimmy Fallon and Chapelle’s Show, mines the deep well of comedic gold that is Internet dating by going on an exorbitant amount of dates with all sorts of women - and a few that he couldn’t even be sure were women. Ax Norman delivers Donovan’s chronicles in a personal tone that feels both instructional and confessional. If you’re one of the millions of people who’ve experienced online dating for yourself, or if you’re a curious outsider, prepare yourself for an insider's look at the widely popular phenomenon and all of the insights into human relationships it provokes.

Publisher's summary

Forty million people in the US have tried Internet dating, which means 40 million people have probably gone on some pretty crappy dates. Not a Match: My True Tales of Online Dating Disasters is about one guy who experienced more than his fair share. Brian Donovan, a writer and comedian whose work has appeared on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, NPR, and Chapelle's Show, has been on over 100 Internet dates in a genuine search for love and happiness.

©2013 Brian Donovan (P)2013 Audible, Inc.

What listeners say about Not a Match

Average customer ratings
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  • Overall
    3 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    3 out of 5 stars
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    3 out of 5 stars

Diet Coke Out-the-Nose Funny!

Valentine's Day was rough, and not only because I'm not dating right now. I do have a long term, significant relationship with The 57 North. It's steady, reliable, and has very few surprises, good or bad. In fact, sometimes it's delightfully smooth.

I've tried going out with other freeways, but those evenings usually end in spectacular disaster. The 5 North to The 605 North always promises a wonderful time on Waze (the GPS equivalent of OKCupid - Garmin is more like the staid, conservative Match), but those hopes are usually dashed by a 3 car accident not quite pulled out of the right lane of traffic of the very narrow 5 as it enters Los Angeles County, or a semi tanker carrying something flammable on broken down on a transition.

This Valentine's Day, every freeway and surface street in OC and LA conspired to make my trip home as drawn out and excruciating as all of Brian Donavan's 100+ internet dates rolled into one. I was so glad to have "Not a Match: My True Tales of Online Dating Disasters" (2013) to laugh at. Donavan's an observant and funny writer, and Ax Norman was a great voice for the story. Turned my Eco-friendly Insight into a little comedy club for a couple of hours and made Valentine's Day memorable - in a good way.

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10 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    4 out of 5 stars
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    4 out of 5 stars
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    4 out of 5 stars

Dating in New York is a Horrible Crapshoot.

I pre-ordered Not a Match because like many twenty-somethings living in the New York metropolitan area, I have tried internet dating. It's the the only way I to meet people and successfully filter out the creeps and crazies 100% of 75% of the time. If the cosmopolitan mating call of dark, expensive cocktail soaked lounges with too-loud music after 9 doesn't appeal to you, and for some reason your best friend's mother won't set you up with a nice Jewish boy... yeah, the internet is where its at. There are a lot of sites, a lot of members, a lot of weirdos, a lot of liars, and somewhere... SOMEWHERE... is your perfect match.

Just do the math. Literally. Brian Donovan wrote an equation for you (kind of.)

I've been on a lot of disastrous, semi-disastrous, or dull dates (and will likely go on many more), and I wish they'd been half as entertaining as Brian Donovan. His prose is sardonic, his wit dry, and his writing style entertaining.

Ax Norman was a great narrator; effusive where necessary, sarcastic in the right spots. He embodied the voice of Donovan's New York-style of storytelling very well. I kept reaching for my coffee thinking it was a cocktail and remembering I was in the office, and not a bar in the village, on a first date, listening to his stories.

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6 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    1 out of 5 stars
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    2 out of 5 stars
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    1 out of 5 stars
  • VT
  • 02-23-14

Sorry, it did not make me laugh even once...

What disappointed you about Not a Match?

Overall, I find the stories quite typical and trite. I did not even chuckle or smile once listening to this book.

What do you think your next listen will be?

Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy. After that, perhaps another Bill Bryson, David Sedaris, or Jon Krakauer book.

Who would you have cast as narrator instead of Ax Norman?

I have no complaint about the narrator; it's the materials that I find rather boring. I rarely not finish a book and this one, even for less than three hours, I feel like stopping half way through.

What reaction did this book spark in you? Anger, sadness, disappointment?

Disappointment, definitely. I was looking for some lighthearted humor while driving but found none.

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4 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    1 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    3 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    1 out of 5 stars

Not funny...just disgusting.

What could have made this a 4 or 5-star listening experience for you?

What could have helped? Leave out the F words. Not necessary to make something funny with F words. True skill is to make it funny without swear words. Plus, "having sex with a dead person" as a cute and funny come-on line to a potential date? Give me a break. Not funny.

Has Not a Match turned you off from other books in this genre?

Yes. If any other books are anything like this, it is a waste of time.

What do you think the narrator could have done better?

Narration was o.k. Just the material was bad, and no narration could make it better.

What reaction did this book spark in you? Anger, sadness, disappointment?

Disappointment in comedians who think that this kind of garbage would be funny or enjoyable.

Any additional comments?

Gross. Disgusting. Hard to listen to. Couldn't finish it after the dead person sex.

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2 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    3 out of 5 stars
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    3 out of 5 stars
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    3 out of 5 stars

Just goes to prove even crazy can write.

This is kinda funny, but a he is delusional. He thinks he is a nice guy, but at the same time proves he is a douche. This seems to be the losers guide to internet dating. Some of his tips are very useful others make you want to run screaming. I did manage to finish this book, thankfully it was short and i have listened to worse.

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2 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    2 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    3 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    2 out of 5 stars

No Match here,either

I got this book for free and I'm glad it was free. I thought it might be a funny and lighthearted look at modern dating woes. Lots of ammo on that front, I'm sure.
There were some really funny parts, but this is not a book for anyone but adults definitely from an R to X rating. Also, profanity.
However, having said I don't particularly like the book the author was great!
I loved his style, it drew me in and I could read other subjects written by him. Please, branch out from here, I think you've gotten all the mileage you can out of e-dating.

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2 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    3 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
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    3 out of 5 stars

FUNNY STUFF-TO MANY CUSS WORDS

This book was free so I downloaded it. I started to listen to it on the way to NC w/my husband and teenage boys in the truck. It started off really funny. I was raised not to swear in conversation as it's not lady like. However, when I'm angry I lose this upbringing and at times can spout off some whoppers. My grandmother use to say people who swear in conversation had a poor vocabulary. Point being, the book is funny and had my children not been w/me I'd have finished the book during the trip. I've heard my kids swear and though I've raised them better, I'm not a fool and I falter too. However, I felt it too much, too often and in may places unnecessary through out this book.

The narrator is great! His voice is perfect for retelling/reading this story.

The book IS REALLY FUNNY book. If you don't mind swear words or don't have kids nearby while listening you'll do fine.

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2 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    1 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    1 out of 5 stars
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    1 out of 5 stars

Not worth the free Valentines download

What was most disappointing about Brian Donovan’s story?

I found the story repetitive, boring and cliche-ridden - I actually didn't make it the whole way through the book for the first time in my Audible history, despite a stubborn, must-make-it-to-the-end attitude.

You didn’t love this book... but did it have any redeeming qualities?

The narrator seemed to do an alright job with the material he had.

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  • Overall
    2 out of 5 stars
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    3 out of 5 stars
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    1 out of 5 stars

This is the worst dating guide imaginable!

What could have made this a 4 or 5-star listening experience for you?

This guy is very deluded, he constantly lies to women telling them he is interested in the same things they are then complains when they figure out that 1. he's been lying and 2. he is not into dancing/craziness/music.
One example is that he tells this girl, he is hugely into music and then when she invites him to a music festival (as friends and in her mind have music in common) he is very angry thinking that its a date and that she has trapped him at this horrible music festival (she thinks he loves music! he told her so! What a Jerk!)

Would you listen to another book narrated by Ax Norman?

Yes, he has a lovely voice and good comedic timing

You didn’t love this book... but did it have any redeeming qualities?

Not really it's just a disingenuous jerk complaining about dating ladies who are usually honest about their situation and then complaining because he trapped himself in said situation.

Any additional comments?

I really hope the author reads this and reflects on his actions and can see that he is doing himself no favours

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2 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    4 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    4 out of 5 stars

Hilarious, but let me wanting more!

This was a short, hilarious recap of one man's online dating adventures. Having met my future husband on my third of three stints online, I was dying at his depictions of being a man on the site, his hilarious disastrous dates, guidance (how to create the perfect form first email) and the cardinal sins of online dating (overuse of the phrase LOL). His commentary was spot-on and spoken so humorously, I found myself, er... LOL'ing.

I was devastated when this ended. It's not great literature by any means (if you cannot stomach the f-word or references to women's breast size, DO NOT PROCEED), but it was fun, funny, and offered truthful commentary on one of the most bizarre human experiences of the modern world. I wish it were longer!

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