• Men Who Can't Love

  • How to Recognize a Commitmentphobic Man Before He Breaks Your Heart
  • By: Julia Sokol, Steven Carter
  • Narrated by: Kevin Young
  • Length: 8 hrs and 26 mins
  • 4.7 out of 5 stars (802 ratings)

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Men Who Can't Love  By  cover art

Men Who Can't Love

By: Julia Sokol,Steven Carter
Narrated by: Kevin Young
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Editorial reviews

Steven Carter and Julia Sokol's seminal relationship book offers a thorough, penetrating examination of the complex behavior and psychology of commitment-phobic males who, as stated in the book, can go from "attentive and caring to distant and hurtful for apparent reason".

Kevin Young's accomplished, measured performance reflects the high esteem with which these groundbreaking interviews and case studies are held in the field of relationship therapy, and his genial, conversational tone keeps the listener interested throughout this thought-provoking work.

Publisher's summary

The million-copy New York Times best seller and classic relationship book.

Featured on Oprah and Sally Jesse Raphael, this definitive look at the dynamics of male-female communication gets to the heart of the all-too-common phenomenon: women who are ready and willing to commit, and men who back off just as the relationship moves toward the next level.

This audiobook can help you:

  • Recognize early warning signs of the commitmentphobic man
  • Determine the extent of his fears - and his willingness to change
  • Analyze your own role in the situation
  • Avoid unnecessary stress and heartache

©1987, 1996 Steven Carter and Julia Sokol Coopersmith (P)2012 Audible, Inc.

What listeners say about Men Who Can't Love

Average customer ratings
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  • Overall
    3 out of 5 stars

A good read for women, but ....

A good read for women to identify and protect themselves from a commitmentphobic man.
Also, it shines a light on this phenomenon and gives it a label. Good.
But very little about what the man who is struggling with this can do.
It tends to paint the man as a predator and the woman as a victim.
They are both victims, the man as well.
He would choose to be commitmentphobic as quickly as he would choose to be homosexual.
Very little in this book about help for the man

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21 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars

This book restored my sanity!!!

If you could sum up Men Who Can't Love in three words, what would they be?

Set me free.

What did you like best about this story?

This book helped me to put together all of the pieces of the puzzle. The puzzle being, I just ended a relationship with a commitment phobic. A man that treated me so badly, but that I was sitting around crying for. I thought I was going crazy. How could I yearn to be with someone that treated me so badly. Someone so mean and cruel and heartless. But this book helped me to understand it all. The beginning, the middle, the end and the bitter end. It helped me to understand what to look for in the future so that I never become involved with a commitment phobic man again.

Which character – as performed by Kevin Young – was your favorite?

I related more to the stories in "The Bitter End".

What insight do you think you’ll apply from Men Who Can't Love?

I will be much more cautious of a man that comes on so strong in the beginning. I will never allow the relationship to proceed too quickly. I will never compromise my needs for the needs of any man again. I will never allow a man to treat me badly again. I will love myself enough to trust my instincts. Instincts that I know God gave me, but I didn't listen to with this man. If I had listened to my instincts, I could have saved myself a great deal of pain and heartache.

Any additional comments?

I can't begin to tell you how much this book helped me. Being in a relationship with a commitment phobic created so much confusion, and self doubt. I got to the point where I couldn't even focus on my own needs. It is a paralyzing relationship. But this book restored my sanity and it restored my belief in myself and my self worth. I don't think I would have ever have found closure without this book. Also, I found the narrator's voice to be so caring and soothing. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for writing this book.

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17 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars

Best audiobook I have ever listened to!!!!

Would you consider the audio edition of Men Who Can't Love to be better than the print version?

I have never written a review on any book before, however, I highly recommend this book for anyone that has a habit of getting involved with men that come on very strong in the beginning to win you over and then decide that they don't want a serious committment. If you have been left confused by this in the past, believe me, this book will help you to see the signs of a committment phobic man from the very first date and help you to set the ground rules for the relationship right from the start. No more confusion or broken hearts for me. Now they play by my rules. And I can finally say that I can spot a player a mile away and know now what a healthy relationship is.This is seriously the best audiobook I have ever listened to and I am now buying the second book....He's Scared She's Scared. I will write a review on that one when I finish it.

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14 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    1 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    2 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    1 out of 5 stars

Don’t waste your time.

Filled with no advice or guidance. Only back to back never ending stories of other people who have been through similar situations in dealing with, or living as a commitment phobe. I kept waiting for the next story to end hoping there would be some words of wisdom or helpful information. The stories kept going and going, one after another. We already know what it’s like...we are seeking books to search help for it!

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8 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars

Lifesaver!!

15 unique words it's a good book it's about my boyfriend I learned a lot I'm going to break up with him this will be a lifesaver he's making my life miserable

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8 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars

Perfectly described my situation

I purchased the book & became so intrigued by its context I couldn't put it down. That's when I looked into audio version & am I glad I did.
I'd love it even more if I could gift this to a few men in my life. I felt I was going crazy with different emotions, mixed signals, I even broke up with my boyfriend of 6 yrs. when my friend of 20+ yrs. strongly pursued me....
Not realizing he's commitment phobic. I wish I'd know sooner. Now our friendship has suffered tremendously, I regret getting involved with him. Honestly this. Book was a huge and complete eye opener. I'm going to follow my instincts and to & pay attentions to a man's behavior patterns, their attitude, and their engagement.
Definitely recommend this to women out their going through a relationship where you feel your giving more than you are receiving, allowing a man to disappear and reappear with no questions asked, any woman feeling like she's always walking on egg shells afraid to say anything when mistreated, a guy that never called you back when he said he would. A guy that said he'd change & beg for another opportunity. Even someone going through a breakup. It will definitely give you fulfillment after listening/reading this book that we the women did nothing wrong. Loved it. Now want to get into reading "he's afraid, she's afraid "...

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6 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars

heartbreaking ah-ha moments struck me

My mouth fell open with a gasp, I don't know how many times. I cried through the whole thing as it laid out so simply like a check list what the signs are, actions, your reactions, and I had to check almost all of them. I've listened to it three times and keep listening to it along with Mr. Unavailable and the Fallback Girl to get me through each emotionally draining day to keep my mind focussed on it's not me, it was him. I wasn't, crazy, he was doing this as a sign of something. It reinforced to listen to your gut, and when he pulled away overnight, THAT is when I should have detached instead of sticking around pouring my heart and soul more into it HOPING he would go back to loving me. This book has moments where you literally feel like you were slapped in the face. I do wish they would have gone more into if these men miss us after, if they think about us, if they feel regret, if we meant anything to them as those are the questions that weighs so heavily on our minds after we're left in devestation in the dirt, while you see him keep walking and pick up another like it's nothing and ride off into the sunset.

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5 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars

The contents of this audio book is excellent

What made the experience of listening to Men Who Can't Love the most enjoyable?

True to life. To the point and helpful.

What did you learn from Men Who Can't Love that you would use in your daily life?

It served as preventive medicine for me and it was also healing.

Any additional comments?

Highly recommend it.

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4 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars

Sound Advice for Every Single Woman

Would you listen to Men Who Can't Love again? Why?

Yes, I am on my second listen.

What other book might you compare Men Who Can't Love to and why?

Attached. These books explain the personality traits of men who are incapable of loving truly and genuinely

What’s an idea from the book that you will remember?

Stay independent and don't trust too quickly or easily.

Any additional comments?

I wish I had heard this book sooner!

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4 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    4 out of 5 stars

Helped me see

Insightful, helped me see what was really going on in my life and now I can truly let go because I can see that he is a commitment phobic and it wasn't me. I'm stepping off that roller coaster.

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3 people found this helpful