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Publisher's Summary

Men are right.
Drs. Patricia Love and Steven Stosny have studied the all-too-familiar dynamic between men and women and have reached a truly shocking conclusion. Even with the best of intentions, talking about your relationship doesn’t bring you together, and it will eventually drive you apart.
The reason for this is that underneath most couples’ fights, there is a biological difference at work. A woman’s vulnerability to fear and anxiety makes her draw closer, while a man’s subtle sensitivity to shame makes him pull away in response. This is why so many married couples fall into the archetypal roles of nagging wife/stonewalling husband, and why improving a marriage can’t happen through words.
How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It teaches couples how to get closer in ways that don’t require "trying to turn a man into a woman". Rich in stories of couples who have turned their marriages around, and full of practical advice about the behaviors that make and break marriages, this essential guide will help couples find love beyond words.
©2007 Patricia Love and Steven Stosny (P)2011 Tantor
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Critic Reviews

"Inspirational... a practical guide for men and women to overcome their challenges and come together outside and inside the bedroom." (John Gray, Ph.D., author of Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus)
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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful
5 out of 5 stars
By AudioAddict on 01-31-16

Why he doesn't like to listen or talk about it!

SUBJECT (marriage/relationship) - I love listening to self-improvement and relationship books on Audible. I would probably never sit down and read something like this, but while I'm driving to work or exercising, heck yeah! And before I launch into what I, as a woman, learned from this book, please make note that it is written by a male and a female and contains good advice for both partners in a marriage.

My marriage isn't "on the rocks," but it's not perfect either. I had several "Ah-ha" moments where I learned critical mistakes I'm making and ways to improve upon them. Most importantly, I learned why my husband doesn't like to talk about relationship issues and picked up new approaches I can use to hopefully get better results. I also gained insight into his fears and motivations and, again, new ways to approach them differently. The authors also cover sexual issues, the importance of seeing things from your spouse's perspective...and much more.

PERFORMANCE - The reader is female, has a pleasant voice and does a good job.

OVERALL - Recommended for anyone who is married or in a committed relationship. Even if you think your marriage is perfect, learn what it is you're doing right so you don't accidentally stop doing it! You can listen together or separately. I listened alone. I think I'm going to implement some changes in myself first, see if my husband notices improvement and, only then, suggest he listen to the book to see if he gets ideas as well. And, no, we're not going to talk about it!

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12 of 12 people found this review helpful

5 out of 5 stars
By Chris on 07-19-15

Must read if your on the verge of loosing it all!

After 14 years of marriage, fighting more and more frequently as the years passed, increased resentment, and more tears than I like to admit, I was considering divorce as our next step and only option left on the table. I figured I would try ONE last time, knowing I couldn't walk away knowing I didn't give EVERYTHING I had. After finishing this book, I immediately started using the techniques explained, and immediately I noticed a change in my husband! I FINALLY GET HOW TO BE A WIFE, AND WITHOUT SAYING A WORD, HAVE THE HUSBAND I ALWAYS NEEDED! This book helped me understand why the things I say to my husband, no matter how good intentioned, always seemed to make things worse, not better! Learning WHY he withdraws when I try to provide constructive feedback, after all that's what I wanted from him, so why wouldn't telling him what's wrong help him fix it right? WRONG!! I am the "over sensitive, lets talk" type, and he is the silent "nothing is wrong" type, always taking everything I tell him out of context and getting angry, when all I was trying to do was get him to show he cares.
Gaining the insight of the etiology of men and women, our behavior, our instincts and above all our inner fears. Learning how all this subconsciously impacts our daily interactions with each other and having the choice to choose my emotions based on who I want to be, THIS SAVED MY MARRIAGE!
The authors truly explain HOW to change your thought process when in the moment and give REAL solutions to the negative thoughts and emotions that occur for even the most innocent of gestures. They don't try to tell you your wrong, broken or incapable of change, they give you tools to CHOOSE who you want to be as a spouse.
I now understand my husbands thoughts, his reactions and his fears and no longer see them as hurtful. I now know how to react to my husbands consistent need for sex, understand why this is so important to him (regardless of the situation) and have the tools to teach myself how to change my reactions. Showing him how I feel without words, allowing him to feel confident as a man thus our relationship has grown into what it is meant to be. All the things I always wanted out of marriage, the real reason why I fell in love in the beginning, it all came flooding back immediately!
Without my negative thoughts, knee jerk reactions or comments harming our relationship; we are happy, loving and most of all successful in helping each other, and we NEVER talked about it. I cannot express the true gratitude I have for this book and the positive outcome from simply thinking differently and using actions to express my gratitude, love and understanding to my husband, in return I NOW have the loving, compassionate and happy husband I wanted all along, thank you!

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44 of 47 people found this review helpful

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