You try to commiserate with your friends and family, but they seem to shun you lately. Your friends don't know what you are talking about when you complain about your unhealthy relationship. They think that your partner is a perfect angel. Your family is confused about your erratic behaviors. Everyone thinks that you have gone stark-raving mad. You try to get your wits about you, but your partner is always there to tell you that you are worthless, clingy, emotional, needy, and crazy.
Maybe his parents and his other family members are supportive of him. They don't seem to like you. His charm has won over everyone else. You wonder if you are the one who is the problem. After all, why can't everyone else see that your partner is causing the decline in your mental health? Why don't they empathize with your emotional pain?
You don't feel like yourself anymore. You feel like a shell of your former self. You were so much vibrant and life-loving before you met the narcissist in your life. You love him, but you recognize that he is tearing you down at the same time. You wonder why your relationship isn't supportive, loving and filled with personal growth.
The problem is this: you can't tell which one of you is crazy. At first, you were certain it was him. But lately, you wonder if your own sense of sanity is declining. You feel emotional, exhausted, depressed, frazzled, stressed, and confused. You think that you might even suffer a nervous breakdown any second now. Not even the counselors believe the suffering that you are experiencing. Most people have no idea what you are going through.
If you are feeling this way, my friend, there is a simple explanation. You may be dating or married to a narcissist. Your self-absorbed partner may be gaslighting and manipulating you. He may cycle between love-bombing and distancing himself from you. He seems to be a nice guy to your face sometimes, but then you find out that he is talking bad about you to others. He seems to triangulate you with other women or family members in order to make you jealous and boost his own ego.
Does he talk you in circles when you confront him about his whereabouts when he is running late? Does he tell you that you are being 'too clingy', 'too emotional', and 'too needy' when you say that you want to spend time together? Does he get defensive when you want to move the relationship forward in any way? Does he balk at anything resembling maturity and commitment?
Does he isolate you from friends and family so that he has the opportunity to win everyone over to his side? Does he stop you from having any independence because he is afraid that you will leave him if you had some moral support? Is his self-esteem wavering to the point where he thinks that you might get smart if you talk to others? Does he fear you 'figuring out' what he is up to, especially if other people validate it to you?
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Short but packed with examples and advice
- Practy Cal
A half hour of pure clarity. Extremely helpful!