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I have to be honest, many of the comments on here are really frustrating. These are two people who wish to repair their marriage. They aren't there to play a game of who gets the blame. The counselor is not there to tell either party that they did something wrong in the past, she is there to help them be able to communicate honestly and to help them each be receptive to that honesty. When the husband tells how he was feeling, the wife constantly wants to argue against that as if his feeling aren't valid. The point the counselor is making is that he had those feelings and they were real. She isn't telling the woman that she was at fault nor is she taking "the husband's side", she is simply saying that the wife needs to listen without immediate judgement. The wife if very defensive and that is totally understandable, but the counselor's job is to help her be less defensive so that they can communicate openly and in a safe place. If the wife never truly forgives her husband than they will never move past their problems. Once she is able to forgive and let her guard down, then they can work on building something worth saving. BOTH PARTIES in this episode were responsible for not communicating, despite that the man did something completely stupid as a result of it. The counselor has to fix the communication problem first!
As a side note about her being like a dead person: sometimes feelings aren't kind or pleasant and sometimes they are downright rude and inappropriate. But, it seems like many of the listeners wanted the counselor to scold him for that comment. Although maybe not pleasant, he was trying to convey that he didn't want it to be another chore for her. That is a big problem in many relationships, he should have said it a LONG time ago rather than cheating. Then, she could have said how she felt, etc. Relationships take work and HONESTY.
I am 32 years old and I have been with my husband for 12 years. I can tell you that the biggest reason why we work is because we are honest despite how that honesty will make the other feel at that moment. I love that we have that because, if we didn't, who knows where we would be. We definitely aren't perfect people, but our willingness to communicate when something doesn't feel right makes us happy in our relationship 99% of the time. We both feel heard and we both make an effort to make adjustments when we need to. If you don't grow together you will grow apart and that is what happened with these two people, but they can recover it if the learn how to.
28 of 33 people found this review helpful
Would you listen to Ep. 1: I've Had Better again? Why?
I would listen to this again simply because there are nuances to the problem-solving that Esther makes that you will only catch the 2nd, the 3rd, the 4th, or the 5th time. There's always a chance to learn and grow in a relationship. Because there are different seasons to when a certain piece of advice pertains to you or someone else.
What was one of the most memorable moments of Ep. 1: I've Had Better?
I honestly enjoyed listening to Esther's commentary. Particularly on how she felt she gained the trust of the wife in order to better provide counsel that would be well received. It was a surprising turn, but her input on how the turn happened was very very interesting.
What insight do you think you’ll apply from Ep. 1: I've Had Better?
Definitely on how to better receive what is being given. How to be mindful of that. And also, to be aware of the changes in myself that I choose to make as a result of negative feedback. I don't always have to take in wrong feedback. I can choose to correct any situation through communication so that it doesn't have to get to a point of bitterness and anger due to a lack of communication.
10 of 14 people found this review helpful
I'd heard good things about this series and wasn't disappointed. Useful for personal insight on relationships as well as for professionals working with couples.
I think every couple and every individual will find themselves being touched by this podcast. The courage and openness of the participants and Esther's compassion and clarity, along with the universal themes of betrayal, vulnerability, the need to be seen and heard and how difficult it can be to ask for what we need when we've learned as children to expect something less make this recording a real privilege to experience and a real gift.
Personally, I am a fan of Polyamory but I love listening to this woman's take on relationships.
Whichever methodology you choose it's clear that communication is the most important factor in relationships and until such time that we take this seriously we will only continue on our path of the creation of colateral damage in our children which society at large has to tolerate.
We all need to be better.
1 of 1 people found this review helpful
An intimate insight into a relationship broken by infidelity. Being on the outside helps you see how easily it can be to be blind to your own faults when you feel hurt.