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Publisher's Summary

Jeb Kinnison's previous book on finding a good partner by understanding attachment types (Bad Boyfriends: Using Attachment Theory to Avoid Mr. (or Ms.) Wrong and Make You a Better Partner) brought lots of people to JebKinnison.com, where the most asked-about topic was how to deal with avoidant lovers and spouses. There are many now in troubled marriages who are looking for help, as well as people already invested in a relationship short of marriage who'd like help deciding if they should stick with it.
People in relationships with avoidants struggle with their lack of responsiveness and inability to tolerate real intimacy. Relationships between an avoidant and a partner of another attachment type are the largest group of unhappy relationships, and people who love their partners and who may have started families and had children with an avoidant will work very hard to try to make their relationships work better, out of love for their partner and children as well as their own happiness. The avoidants in these relationships are more than likely unhappy with the situation as well - retreating into their shells and feeling harassed for being asked to respond with positive feeling when they have little to give.
The other reason why so many people are looking for help on this topic is that it is an almost impossible problem. Couples counsellors rarely have the time or knowledge to work with an avoidant and will often advise the spouse to give up on a dismissive, especially, whose lack of responsiveness looks like cruelty or contempt (and sometimes it is).
Yet there is some hope - though it may take years and require educating the avoidant on the patterns of good couples communication; if both partners want to change their patterns toward more secure and satisfying models, it can be done.
©2014 Jeb Kinnison (P)2015 Jeb Kinnison
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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful
5 out of 5 stars
By Jolene Monheim on 04-10-15

Worth a listen!

As a person married to an avoidant I learned a great deal. Especially, that there is hope. I always wondered what was wrong, why my husband didn't take my needs into consideration, and thought that I was the problem... I'm an anxious avoidant. This book gave me a lot of information and my husband is listening to it too and finds it beneficial. We are practicing kindness and empathy!

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9 of 9 people found this review helpful

5 out of 5 stars
By b2995 on 08-30-17

Don't Even Think About Dating an Avoidant!

Save yourself some heartache. Learn how to spot these individuals and steer clear of them. This book helped me understand that it's really NOT me.

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6 of 6 people found this review helpful

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful
5 out of 5 stars
By Mrs. G. Castro on 12-08-16

Very helpful!

This audio book is easy to understand and listen. I've definitely learned more about myself and how to deal with my attachment style.
I'm glad I've purchased it.

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0 of 1 people found this review helpful

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful
2 out of 5 stars
By Anonymous User on 05-16-18

Emphasis on 'Leave'...

I bailed halfway through this book. I'm in a relationship with an avoidant (I'm anxious-preoccupied), and I was hoping to get some insights into how to better interact with them. Perhaps the insights come in the second half (I guess I'll never know!), but I bailed because of the style in which the book is written.
This book had portions that I found aggressive in tone, even calling some readers "stomp-down hypocrites with a capital H". I don't disagree with the point that Kinnison was trying to illustrate in this chapter, however the aggressive tone made me disinterested in continuing. Furthermore, I felt that points made about all attachment styles were at times very harsh to the point of being unfair. Even as someone who is currently frustrated by an avoidant, I felt that the representation of their tendencies is not at all compassionate and therefore, I did not find it helpful in better understanding and interacting with the avoidant in my life. It would have been ideal to read if I was looking to be convinced to leave them.

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