Many women go out into the dating world with misinformation. We listen to what our families' values are, we compare our fathers to other men, and then we find men who fit the ideal that we all have in our heads of the perfect man. We have grown up with our fathers as the images of perfect husbands in our minds, even if our fathers were far from perfect husbands. We think these are the men that we should pursue. But the truth is that these values and morals that are instilled in us ultimately lead to relationships that are unhealthy, boring, or mismatched.
There are many things that are wrong with this picture. First, if your family values hard work, perseverance, and perfectionism, you may look for a man who has all of the classical signs and symptoms of a personality disorder called OCPD, a disorder that can be classified as negative perfectionism. Men with OCPD are workaholics, perfectionists, rigid, and critical. They are difficult to live with and maintain relationships with.
If your parents raised you praising the things you did instead of celebrating who you are as a person, you may also be ingrained with an unhealthy sense of self-worth. You value things that you achieve and accomplish instead of just feeling lovable for who you are. This will also cause you to seek out men for their achievements or their financial status instead of seeking someone who is emotionally mature and available.
There are other things that drive you to choose men who are emotionally unavailable. The media flashes scenes of knights in shining armor in front of our eyes. We value strong men. We value the stoic personality. We base our romantic choices on looks and romantic gestures instead of basing them on emotional stability and availability as a partner. We go for the good-looking, strong, and handsome man. We look for a protector, even one who might be aggressive toward us later on.
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