The Book of Ralph

  • by Christopher Steinsvold
  • Narrated by James Patrick Cronin
  • 8 hrs and 29 mins
  • Unabridged Audiobook

Publisher's Summary

A message appears on the moon. It is legible from Earth, and almost no one knows how it was created. Markus West leads the government's investigation to find the creator.
The message is simple and familiar. But those three words, written in blazing crimson letters on the lunar surface, will foster the strangest revolution humankind has ever endured and make Markus West wish he was never involved.
The message is "Drink Diet Coke".
When Coca-Cola denies responsibility, global annoyance with the beverage-industrial complex becomes indignation. And when his investigation confirms Coca-Cola's innocence, Markus West becomes one of the most hated men on Earth.
Later, five miles above the White House, a cylinder is discovered floating in the night. It is 400 feet tall, 250 feet in diameter, and exactly resembles a can of Campbell's Chicken Noodle Soup. Nearly everyone thinks the cylinder is a promotional stunt gone wrong, just like the lunar advertisement. And this is exactly what the alien in the cylinder wants people to think.
Ralph, an eccentric extraterrestrial who's been hiding on the moon, needs Markus' help to personally deliver a dark warning to the White House. Ralph has a big heart, a fetish for Andy Warhol, and a dangerous plan to save the world.
Looking upon the cylinder, Markus realizes we are not the ones in control. The unexpected guest becomes the host, and somehow humans never belonged: "We are the homeless orphans peeking through the banquet window. We are the frills of the universe gazing upon something unspeakably more central than ourselves."


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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful


This book was written by a college professor and it shows. Very thoughtful and weird. Liked it!!!
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- ReaderCT

Philosophical Silly Sci-fi

This one is somewhat hard to review because I'm still trying to decide what exactly it is I listened to. Really, it's two books put into one. The one book is a quirky tale of the alien Ralph who is presumably here to help humanity. This story is fairly comical and had its fun moments. The other book is a philosophy book on the nature of mankind. Personally, this didn't really appeal to me. I was listening to the book for a fun escape from my reality, not really intending to philosophize on the nature of my base motivations. To that end, these parts really slowed down the story for me. Also, to be as spoiler free as possible, I thought that it mace the antagonists cheap props to prove a philosophical point and, thereby, cheapens the story. Perhaps this was the author's intent. In the end, I did enjoy much of the book but was left unsatisfied by the ending, which I also felt was cheap.

On a bright note, Cronin did an excellent job narrating, putting on a great performance.

This is not a story that I will ever revisit but I don't begrudge the time I put into listening to it. I would say if you are on the fence about using a credit on this one, spend it somewhere else. If you're pretty sure you want to spend the credit, then do it and you'll probably be at least ok with what you get.
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- Dontu

Book Details

  • Release Date: 08-10-2016
  • Publisher: Audible Studios