Jane Carver of Waar : Jane Carver

  • by Nathan Long
  • Narrated by Dina Pearlman
  • Series: Jane Carver
  • 12 hrs and 0 mins
  • Unabridged Audiobook

Publisher's Summary

Jane Carver is nobody's idea of a space princess. A hard-ridin', hard-lovin' biker chick and ex-Airborne Ranger, Jane is as surprised as anyone else when, on the run from the law, she ducks into the wrong cave at the wrong time - and wakes up butt-naked on an exotic alien planet light-years away from everything she's ever known. Waar is a savage world of four-armed tiger-men, sky-pirates, slaves, gladiators, and purple-skinned warriors in thrall to a bloodthirsty code of honor and chivalry. Caught up in a disgraced nobleman's quest to win back the hand of a sexy alien princess, Jane encounters bizarre wonders and dangers unlike anything she ever ran into back home. Then again, Waar has never seen anyone like Jane before.
Both a loving tribute and scathing parody of the swashbuckling space fantasies of yore, Jane Carver of Waar introduces an unforgettable new science-fiction heroine. Nathan Long is a screen and prose writer with two movies, a Saturday-morning adventure series, and several TV episodes to his name. His official website is: www.sabrepunk.com.

More

Audible Editor Reviews

When tough-talking biker babe Jane Carver accidentally deals a death blow to the unfortunate guy who gropes her outside a California biker bar, she makes a run for it - and wakes up naked on an alien planet called Waar. Thus begins Nathan Long's Jane Carver of Waar: Waar, Book 1, a hilarious satire on the ribald, retro space fantasies of the 20th century. Soon, Jane's hopelessly wrapped up in bizarre adventures on this planet of sky-pirates and gladiators, including a bid to help a fallen nobleman win back his sexy space princess. Listeners will be bewitched by actress Dina Pearlman's portrayal of Jane, whose Marlboro-cured voice and confident panache makes her swashbuckling space adventures a delightful listen.

More

See More Like This

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful

IT WAS OVER IN 5 SECONDS, BUT SO IS A CAR WRECK

SOMEBODY HIT ME WITH A BUILDING
This is one excellent book. Most of the book is hilarious. It is entertaining from start to finish. Not once did I go BACK AND FORTH ON IT SO MUCH IT MADE A TRENCH IN MY BRAIN.
Even if you have not read Princess of Mars, you will love this book, but if you have read it, then it will be even funnier. Besides being funny, it is adventurous, smart and fast paced. Toward the end of the book, it does become a little dark. Long's writing is so good and your investment in the main character is so strong that you will feel her pain. I am an old pervert, but the scene where she is manhandled in front of a crowd, had me spitting nails. She gets angry, but must hold it in and your HEART WILL THUMP LIKE A FROG IN A BREAD BOX. I think my face got red. The main character is a 6ft tall biker chick, who has had run ins with the law. When she says AS SMUG AS A GEORGIA STATE TROOPER or OUR CABIN WAS AS SMALL AS AN ARKANSAS JAIL CELL, she is speaking from experience. Yet, she has morals and she has humility. She is loaded with humility and you will want her to win. There is a plot and twists. Just when think things are going alright, something will happen to make life more complicated.

HEAVEN IS AN ETERNAL BLOW JOB
There is some sex in the story, mostly toward the end, but it is all necessary to the story. Matter of fact you will be routing for the main character to get laid. Long's sexual descriptions of the characters leaves enough for your imagination. He mentions the men wearing these male stripper type loin clothes and that their was no mistake that they were male and that is it. A female pirate is flat chested, but has a behind that would make Lopez look flat and the pirate wears tight leggings. That is all that is said and you can fill in the rest. Their are two characters that swing both ways.

LAYING ON THE CHARM WITH A TROWEL
Long's descriptive language is pop culture and constant. I don't know how this will play out one hundred years from now, but for me now, it does a great job of setting the scene without long flowery, put you to sleep language. Here are just some of the examples: A PEPSI BLUE SKY. A SUSHI SUNRISE, RAW AND PINK. HIS FACE SAGGED LIKE SOMEONE PULLED THE BONES OUT OF IT. THE WHISPERING SOUNDED LIKE A HUNDRED SKILLETS FRYING BACON. SAI LOOKED AS RELIEVED AS A GUY FINDING OUT IT'S NOT HERPES AFTER ALL. HE WAS FROWNING LIKE A CHEERLEADER TAKING A MATH TEST. If someone tells you it was A PEPSI BLUE SKY, can you not quick and easily picture that in your head?

THERE'S NOTHING LIKE A CHURCH TO F/U A GOOD RELIGION.
Long makes some quick political jabs, that may go over some heads. He does not drone or speechify on any of it. It is quick and over. He made either one or two statements that were anti-gun. Quick and easy, no pain. I loved this book and will get the sequel and look for more from this author.

Pearlman is a professional and does a five star performance. I do have to mention, that I had just finished listening to Ray Porter do a Joe ledger book and felt Pearlman could work on her timing just a little. This is such a unique book and unique female character, that she could not have had much practice doing this type of book. The female lead in this book, is very similar to Joe Ledger and makes the same type of jokes.




Read full review

- Jim "The Impatient"

Story and Narration = Epic Fun!

IN A NUTSHELL: I tend to judge books based on how they make me feel and I had a GREAT time listening to this audio book. Jane Carver is a tall red-haired muscled bad ass biker chick with a potty mouth, a brave/impulsive heart and I have a crush on her. The world-building was solid, the story and plot exciting and easy to follow with descriptions vivid enough that I had no problems picturing the planet WAAR and all of it's inhabitants. Did I mention how funny it was?

SUMMARY: Jane rebuffs this drunk a-hole at the bar and when she leaves he follows her. He gropes her while she's trying to get on her bike. She sees red and punches out at him. He stumbles, so instead of hitting his face she punches him in the neck, HARD..and he dies. Witnesses catch the tale end of it and think she just killed him. She takes off, with the cops chasing her and ends up running into a cave to escape. She ends up traveling to another planet/world after touching a glowing stone she saw in the cave.

Her adventure is epic and HILARIOUS as she tries to help the first creature she found. He's a prince. He's human except for his purple skin, but there are other not so human creatures around. Danger around every corner; mostly because this spoiled Prince she's trying to help has a sense of honor that belies common sense and the princess she's trying to help him save is a nitwit as well. The first of which is them being captures and enslaved by tiger-like creatures.

So much happened that I felt like I should be taking notes, but I don't want to spoil anything. This book is a parody based on Edgar Rice Burrough's "A Princess of Mars", which I haven't read and is supposed to be a classic. I'll read that after I finish the 2nd book of Jane's adventures.

THE NARRATOR: Dina Pearlman is my favorite narrator. I stumbled upon this book because I'll listen to anything that she narrates. She does her best work when narrating a sassy, funny character and Jane Carver fits the bill. Dina nails Jane's humor and sarcasm and all the comedic situations that she gets into on Waar. You never had any trouble figuring out who is who and her male and female characters BOTH are right on target and believable.
Read full review

- Diane

Book Details

  • Release Date: 08-14-2012
  • Publisher: Audible Studios