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By espanolish on 04-30-17
Thought Bubbles Galore
This is a story an exploration of the blurred lines between taxpayer, internal, and criminal investigations, which is a great concept that was poorly delivered. The writing lacked the maturity required to give the telling the verve it deserved. The protagonist’s constant and unnecessary sharing of his thoughts from beginning to end brings the work to an elemental level Unfortunately, we hear not only the thoughts of the protagonist, but nearly every other character—and there are lots of them. Here’s one example:
“At 7:05, she pulled into the empty parking lot and entered the building. As she exited the elevator on the second floor, she noticed the noticed the morning sun shining in from the office.” (Here it comes… the thought bubble, loud and clear and lethal.) … “WHY IS THAT DOOR OPEN?”
This is kind of notice-style thought bubbles littered the text/narration to a stifling degree, which served to only to insult the reader/listener and annihilate the flow. Lichtenberg's skill would have been better showcased (and readers/listeners more closely drawn in) by having characters act out their innermost thoughts rather than simply blurt them out. Still the story itself remained interesting until the second half of the narrative when it became muddled with too many characters and faltering subplots. More robust dialogues would have given the story spark and helped it to recover from its unfavorable qualities.
As Lichtenberg’s craft develops, it will be interesting to see how he applies it any future novel ideas.
The narration was professional. A bit of spark, e.g. stronger sense of engagement with the story would have hiked up points.
This book was provided by the author or narrator for a review.
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