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Maternity Leave
- A Novel
- Narrated by: Erin Bennett
- Length: 7 hrs and 34 mins
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Maternity Leave
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Publisher's summary
Julie Halpern's Maternity Leave tells the profane, profound, and just plain funny story of a professional woman who thinks she's ready for a baby, but her maternity leave proves otherwise. Thirty-six-year-old Annie Schwartz-Jensen is a middle-school teacher on maternity leave - a time she imagined as uninterrupted, blissful bonding with her baby. Instead she is dealing with her body leaking from every possible orifice, a baby who won't sleep, a husband who still wants to have sex with her (is he nuts?), single friends who are clueless, and a mother who picked now to take a vacation. The only people who really understand Annie are the wonderful people she spends sleepless nights with on QVC: Keep those velveteen table runners and non-jiggle stretch pants coming! As Annie navigates life with her new baby, she realizes that not all mommies are created equal. But she is determined to find her way, love her baby, her husband, and herself - even if she has to wear nipple protectors for the rest of her childbearing life. Includes an interview with the author.
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- By: Kristin Hensley, Jen Smedley
- Narrated by: Kristin Hensley, Jen Smedley
- Length: 7 hrs and 19 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall5 out of 5 stars 1,800
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Performance5 out of 5 stars 1,576
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 1,564
In their highly anticipated first audiobook, the hilarious mom duo with millions of followers explores all the ridiculous shit you’re expected to do to keep multiple humans alive and happy-ish and celebrates the love for the friends who get you through it.
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5 out of 5 stars
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IRelateSoHard
- By Peekablue on 04-20-19
By: Kristin Hensley, and others
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Pretty Much Screwed
- By: Jenna McCarthy
- Narrated by: Tanya Eby
- Length: 8 hrs and 8 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars 313
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Performance4 out of 5 stars 283
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Story4 out of 5 stars 284
For Charlotte Crawford, the worst part about being dumped after 20 years of marriage is that her husband, Jack, doesn't want another woman; he just doesn't want her. Forty-two and clueless, Charlotte is a fish out of water in a dating pool teeming with losers. Just when she thinks she's finally put her failed marriage behind her, it comes back to bite her in the ass...hard. Without warning, Charlotte finds herself staring down the barrel of a future she wouldn't (she would totally) wish on her worst enemy.
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3 out of 5 stars
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Meh
- By Miss Bishop on 10-31-16
By: Jenna McCarthy
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Don't Lick the Minivan
- And Other Things I Never Thought I'd Say to My Kids
- By: Leanne Shirtliffe
- Narrated by: Trudie Kessler
- Length: 7 hrs and 17 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars 217
-
Performance4 out of 5 stars 196
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Story4 out of 5 stars 191
As a woman used to traveling and living the high life in Bangkok, Leanne Shirtliffe recognized the constant fodder for humor while pregnant with twins in Asia's sin city. But in spite of deep-fried bug cuisine and nurses who cover newborn bassinets with plastic wrap, Shirtliffe manages to keep her babies alive for a year with help from a Coca-Cola deliveryman, several waitresses, and a bra factory. Then she and her husband return home to the isolation of North American suburbia.
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1 out of 5 stars
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I Guess You Had to Be There?
- By Sara on 09-08-14
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Miss Fortune
- Fresh Perspectives on Having It All from Someone Who Is Not Okay
- By: Lauren Weedman
- Narrated by: Lauren Weedman
- Length: 8 hrs and 33 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 44
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 41
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Story4 out of 5 stars 40
Lauren Weedman is not okay. She's living what should be the good life in sunny Los Angeles. After a gig as a correspondent with The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, she scored parts in blockbuster movies, which led to memorable recurring roles on HBO's Hung and Looking. She had a loving husband and an adorable baby boy. In these comedic essays, she turns a piercingly observant, darkly funny lens on the ways her life is actually not okay.
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3 out of 5 stars
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Good
- By Ajules29 on 04-02-16
By: Lauren Weedman
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Birthquake
- By: B. L. Berry
- Narrated by: Kate Udall, Chris Andrew Ciulla
- Length: 9 hrs and 28 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 28
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 28
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 28
WARNING: Highly prone to spontaneous fits of delirium, irrational logic, and violent, unpredictable mood swings. This individual has been sober, swollen, and hungry for the past nine months, so proceed with caution and handle with care. Anything said during the course of labor and delivery should not be taken seriously. Side effects may last up to 18 years. Please consult your physician should castration occur. And never forget, this is all your fault.
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5 out of 5 stars
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absoutely hilarious
- By Laurie Beemer on 04-11-18
By: B. L. Berry
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Fat Girl Walking
- Sex, Food, Love, and Being Comfortable in Your Skin...Every Inch of It
- By: Brittany Gibbons
- Narrated by: Lauren Fortgang
- Length: 6 hrs and 32 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 688
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 633
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 633
Fat Girl Walking is a collection of stories from my life, my thoughts about the issues that I have faced as a woman, wife, mom, daughter, daughter-in-law, and Internet personality in regards to my weight. I have tried to be as honest as I possibly could - apologies in advance to my husband and parents, but hopefully any discomfort you feel is quickly replaced by laughter.
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4 out of 5 stars
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One Woman's Body; One Woman's Story
- By Meghan Matt on 06-03-15
By: Brittany Gibbons
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Sippy Cups Are Not for Chardonnay
- And Other Things I Had to Learn as a New Mom
- By: Stefanie Wilder-Taylor
- Narrated by: Stefanie Wilder-Taylor
- Length: 5 hrs and 19 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars 79
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 69
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Story4 out of 5 stars 68
In busy-mom-friendly short essays, Sippy Cups Are Not for Chardonnay delivers the empathetic straight dirt on parenting, tackling everything from Mommy & Me classes ("Your baby doesn't need to be making friends at three months old - you do! But not with people you'll meet at Mommy & Me") to attachment parenting ("If you're holding your baby 24/7, that's not a baby, that's a tumor").
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3 out of 5 stars
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Ok, nothing amazing
- By Lklns on 03-14-19
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Get Lucky
- By: Katherine Center
- Narrated by: Morgan Hallett
- Length: 8 hrs and 13 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 131
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 121
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 119
Filled with wit and heart, Get Lucky by Katherine Center explores the deep bonds of sisterhood. Sarah Harper’s whole world revolved around her job at a New York advertising agency before an email snafu got her fired. Now she’s seeking refuge at her sister Mackie’s home in Houston. But Mackie, who’s unable to get pregnant, is also down-and-out these days. So Sarah decides to do something good and becomes a surrogate mother.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Good story.
- By joan hammontree on 01-17-24
By: Katherine Center
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People I Want to Punch in the Throat
- Competitive Crafters, Drop-Off Despots, and Other Suburban Scourges
- By: Jen Mann
- Narrated by: Jen Mann
- Length: 5 hrs and 39 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars 85
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Performance4 out of 5 stars 74
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Story4 out of 5 stars 75
Jen Mann doesn't have a filter, which sometimes gets her in trouble with her neighbors, fellow PTA moms, and that one woman who tried to sell her sex toys at a home shopping party. Known for her hilariously acerbic observations on her blog, People I Want to Punch in the Throat, Mann now brings her sharp wit to bear on suburban life, marriage, and motherhood in this laugh-out-loud collection of essays. From the politics of joining a play group, to the thrill of moms' night out at the gun range, to the rewards of your most meaningful relationship, nothing's sacred or off-limits.
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2 out of 5 stars
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Boring, not funny, and kind of mean
- By Jess on 11-22-19
By: Jen Mann
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Seduction and Snacks
- By: Tara Sivec
- Narrated by: Romy Nordlinger
- Length: 10 hrs
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 910
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Performance3.5 out of 5 stars 837
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Story4 out of 5 stars 830
Claire is a 20-something, single mom who grudgingly helps her best friend sell sex toys while she attempts to make enough money to start her own business to give her foul-mouthed, but extremely loveable (when he's asleep) toddler a better life. When Carter, the one-night-stand from her past that changed her life forever, shows up in her hometown bar without any recollection of her besides her unique chocolate scent, Claire will make it a point that he remembers her this time. With Carter's undisguised shock at suddenly finding out he has a four-year-old son and Claire's panic that her stretch marks and slim-to-none bedroom experience will send the man of her dreams heading for the hills, the pair will do whatever they can to get their happily ever after.
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4 out of 5 stars
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3 1/2 stars
- By Vinity on 08-01-13
By: Tara Sivec
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Instant Mom
- By: Nia Vardalos
- Narrated by: Nia Vardalos
- Length: 7 hrs and 34 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 224
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Performance5 out of 5 stars 201
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 201
Some families are created in different ways but are still, in every way, a family. Writer and star of My Big Fat Greek Wedding Nia Vardalos firmly believed she was supposed to be a mom, but Mother Nature and modern medicine had put her in a headlock. So she made a choice that shocked friends, family, and even herself: with only 14 hours' notice, she adopted a preschooler.
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5 out of 5 stars
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A wealth of information for those who wish to adopt
- By Michele Sutherland on 01-11-23
By: Nia Vardalos
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My Inappropriate Life
- Some Material Not Suitable for Small Children, Nuns, or Mature Adults
- By: Heather McDonald
- Narrated by: Heather McDonald
- Length: 5 hrs and 42 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars 333
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Performance4 out of 5 stars 293
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Story4 out of 5 stars 294
In her hilarious New York Times best seller You’ll Never Blue Ball in This Town Again, Heather McDonald recounted her adventures as an unwilling virgin in Hollywood. Now happily married with three wonderful kids, she shows that life as a grown-up - even a pretend grown-up - has its challenges. Heather’s a working mom with parents who live next door, a sister who keeps asking for one of her still-fertile eggs, and friends who are up to more hijinks than even Heather can handle.
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1 out of 5 stars
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Irritating
- By TrishS on 04-23-13
By: Heather McDonald
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True Stories from an Unreliable Eyewitness
- A Feminist Coming of Age
- By: Christine Lahti
- Narrated by: Christine Lahti
- Length: 5 hrs and 30 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars 32
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 31
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Story4 out of 5 stars 30
For decades, actress and director Christine Lahti has captivated the hearts and minds of her audience through iconic roles in Chicago Hope, Running on Empty, Housekeeping, And Justice for All, Swing Shift, Law & Order: Special Victims Unit, God of Carnage, and The Blacklist. Now, in True Stories from an Unreliable Eyewitness, this acclaimed performer channels her creativity inward to share her own story for the first time.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Christine Lahti, Actress, Activist and A+ Author!
- By L. Cat Schultz on 10-26-18
By: Christine Lahti
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The Idiot Girls' Action-Adventure Club
- True Tales from a Magnificent and Clumsy Life
- By: Laurie Notaro
- Narrated by: Hillary Huber
- Length: 5 hrs and 52 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars 66
-
Performance4 out of 5 stars 59
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Story4 out of 5 stars 59
Introducing Laurie Notaro, the leader of the Idiot Girls' Action-Adventure Club. Every day she fearlessly rises from bed to defeat the evil machinations of dolts, dimwits, and creepy boyfriends - and that's before she even puts on a bra. For the past 10 years, Notaro has been entertaining Phoenix newspaper readers with her wildly amusing autobiographical exploits and unique life experiences.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Sweet and funny
- By Julia Valentin on 12-19-20
By: Laurie Notaro
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Dear Girls Above Me
- Inspired by a True Story
- By: Charles McDowell
- Narrated by: Kirby Heyborne
- Length: 8 hrs and 1 min
- Unabridged
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars 78
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Performance4 out of 5 stars 75
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Story4 out of 5 stars 74
When Charlie McDowell began sharing his open letters to his noisy upstairs neighbors - two impossibly ditzy female roommates in their mid-twenties - on Twitter, his feed quickly went viral. His followers multiplied and he got the attention of everyone from celebrities to production studios to major media outlets such as Time and Glamour.
Now Dear Girls breaks out of the 140-character limit as Charlie imagines what would happen if he put the wisdom of the girls to the test.
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4 out of 5 stars
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An Enjoyable Listen
- By Elle W on 11-05-13
By: Charles McDowell
What listeners say about Maternity Leave
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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Overall2 out of 5 stars
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Performance2 out of 5 stars
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Story1 out of 5 stars
- Victoria Evangelina
- 10-10-15
Not my style
It's overall a sweet and funny, easy book. I guess, it's not my style, otherwise I would love to rate it higher.
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