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Overall it was a decent story. Some of the conversations and inner monologues were a reach. I would hear certain reactions or hear what jasaline was thinking and cringe like “really? That’s a stretch”
The narrator wasn’t good at capturing the tone of certain phrases and didn’t use the correct enunciation at times. For example listening to the words you could tell the writer was trying to convey sarcasm but she spoke it flatly or with an aggressive undertone.
The story line was ok but a lot of the build up was very anticlimactic! Are we to believe his racist father just rolled over immediately? I thought when they located Alex there would be a scuffle or a big blowout where he told his father all
The things he never had. But... nothing.
Jasaline’s character was not very well written either. First she’s super patient with Alex then randomly forceful and whiny? She’s super shy and practically a virgin but refers to her vagina as a cunt??? C’mon!
Oh and TO BE CLEAR! NO WOMAN WILL EVER CALLED HER VAGINA A CUNT! Wtf????!!! Poor attempt at trying to throw a dirty word in there to “sexy” the storyline up!
I'm guessing young author with limited experience. This could have been a 10th grade creative writing assignment.
Narration was also bad. No variation in characters or gender. And she pronounced "ask/s" as "ax". Drove me crazy.