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John Dies at the End
- Narrated by: Stephen R. Thorne
- Length: 14 hrs and 17 mins
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Publisher's summary
John Dies at the End is a genre-bending, humorous account of two college drop-outs inadvertently charged with saving their small town—and the world—from a host of supernatural and paranormal invasions.
Stop.
You should not have touched this flyer with your bare hands.
No, don’t put it down. It’s too late. They’re watching you.
My name is David Wong. My best friend is John. Those names are fake. You might want to change yours. You may not want to know about the things you’ll read on these pages, about the sauce, about Korrok, about the invasion, and the future. But it’s too late. You touched the book. You’re in the game. You’re under the eye.
The only defense is knowledge. You need to read this book, to the end. Even the part with the bratwurst. Why? You just have to trust me.
The important thing is this: the drug is called Soy Sauce, and it gives users a window into another dimension. John and I never had the chance to say no. You still do.
I’m sorry to have involved you in this, I really am. But as you read about these terrible events and the very dark epoch the world is about to enter as a result, it is crucial you keep one thing in mind: none of this was my fault.
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A survivor of undead suburbia, mountain man Augustus “Gus” Berry is extremely careful when it comes to his actions and movements. He takes no chances and painstakingly weighs every decision—until he sets out for the hospital at the edge of town, hoping to discover a treasure trove of essential supplies. Soon, Gus will experience terror the likes of which he's never encountered before . . .
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40 ROLLS OF ASS CLEANING GOODNESS
- By Jim "The Impatient" on 04-25-15
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The Brotherhood of the Wheel
- By: R. S. Belcher
- Narrated by: Bronson Pinchot
- Length: 14 hrs and 56 mins
- Unabridged
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In AD 1119, a group of nine crusaders became known as the Poor Fellow-Soldiers of Christ and of the Temple of Solomon - a militant monastic order charged with protecting pilgrims and caravans traveling on the roads to and from the Holy Land. In time, the Knights Templar would grow in power and, ultimately, be laid low. But a small offshoot of the Templars endure and have returned to the order's original mission: to defend the roads of the world and guard those who travel on them.
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Epic Battle Brewing
- By Doug D. Eigsti on 03-29-16
By: R. S. Belcher
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13 Bullets
- A Vampire Tale
- By: David Wellington
- Narrated by: Bernadette Dunne
- Length: 11 hrs and 22 mins
- Unabridged
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All the official reports say they are dead—extinct since the late ’80s, when a fed named Arkeley nailed the last vampire in a fight that nearly killed him. But Arkeley knows what most people don’t: there is one left. In an abandoned asylum she is rotting, plotting, and biding her time in a way that only the undead can. When state trooper Laura Caxton calls the FBI looking for help in the middle of the night, it is Arkeley who gets the assignment.
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HER LARYNX ROTTED AWAY YEARS AGO
- By Jim "The Impatient" on 10-20-16
By: David Wellington
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Ghost Road Blues
- The Pine Deep Trilogy, Book 1
- By: Jonathan Maberry
- Narrated by: Tom Weiner
- Length: 14 hrs and 17 mins
- Unabridged
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The cozy little town of Pine Deep buried the horrors of its past a long time ago. Thirty years have gone by since the darkness descended and the Black Harvest began, a time when a serial killer sheared a bloody swath through the quiet Pennsylvania village. The evil that once coursed through Pine Deep has been replaced by cheerful tourists getting ready to enjoy the country’s largest Halloween celebration in what is now called “The Spookiest Town in America.”
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Love Joe Ledger Series? Avoid This Trainwreck.
- By Kathleen on 10-21-13
By: Jonathan Maberry
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Cold City
- Repairman Jack: Early Years Trilogy, Book 1
- By: F. Paul Wilson
- Narrated by: Alexander Cendese
- Length: 11 hrs and 16 mins
- Unabridged
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If you've never read a Repairman Jack novel, this is the place to begin. It's 1990. A twenty-one-year-old named Jack has dropped out of college, leaving his old life behind to build a new one in New York City. Manhattan's rough edges are jagged enough to shred any unwary newcomer, but perhaps not one who is determined to stay off the grid, at any cost, in the busiest metropolis on earth. And to do so, he'll have to take jobs of a less than legal nature.
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Fun, as long you don't think too much
- By Andrew Pollack on 01-17-14
By: F. Paul Wilson
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Meddling Kids
- A Novel
- By: Edgar Cantero
- Narrated by: Kyla Garcia
- Length: 12 hrs and 54 mins
- Unabridged
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Summer 1977. The Blyton Summer Detective Club (of Blyton Hills, a small mining town in Oregon's Zoinx River Valley) solved their final mystery and unmasked the elusive Sleepy Lake monster - another low-life fortune hunter trying to get his dirty hands on the legendary riches hidden in Deboën Mansion. And he would have gotten away with it, too, if it weren't for those meddling kids.
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should have been a YA novel
- By Bearded Barista on 08-20-17
By: Edgar Cantero
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Pandemonium
- By: Daryl Gregory
- Narrated by: Peter Berkrot
- Length: 10 hrs and 14 mins
- Unabridged
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It is a world like our own in every respect, save one. In the 1950s, random acts of possession begin to occur. Ordinary men, women, and children are the targets of entities that seem to spring from the depths of the collective unconscious, pop-cultural avatars some call demons. As a boy, Del Pierce is possessed by the Hellion, an entity whose mischief-making can be deadly. With the help of Del's family and a caring psychiatrist, the demon is exorcised... or is it?
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loved it
- By swyrlgirl on 09-17-19
By: Daryl Gregory
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Past Crimes
- A Van Shaw Novel
- By: Glen Erik Hamilton
- Narrated by: Jeff Harding
- Length: 10 hrs and 42 mins
- Unabridged
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From the time he was six years old, Van Shaw was raised by his Irish immigrant grandfather, Donovan, to be a thief - to boost cars, beat security alarms, crack safes, and burglarize businesses. But at 18 Dono's namesake and protégé suddenly broke all ties to that life and the people in it. Van escaped into the military, serving as an elite army ranger in Iraq and Afghanistan. Now, after ten years of silence, Dono has asked his grandson to come home to Seattle.
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15 Stars! Okay?
- By Ted on 03-06-16
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Allison Hewitt Is Trapped
- A Zombie Novel
- By: Madeleine Roux
- Narrated by: Piper Goodeve
- Length: 11 hrs and 8 mins
- Unabridged
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One woman's story as she blogs about - and fights back against - the zombie apocalypse.
Allison Hewitt and her five colleagues at the Brooks and Peabody Bookstore are trapped together when the zombie outbreak hits. Allison reaches out for help through her blog, writing on her laptop. It may also be her only chance to reach her mother. But as the reality of their situation sinks in, Allison's blog becomes a harrowing account of her edge-of-the-seat adventures.
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lots of potential but disappointing
- By Linda B on 04-29-11
By: Madeleine Roux
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The Cleanup
- By: Sean Doolittle
- Narrated by: Paul Boehmer
- Length: 7 hrs and 33 mins
- Unabridged
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Matthew Worth is a mess. Somewhere between a good cop and a bad screwup, he botched a marriage and a career. His fellow officers think he’s a joke. His commanders are tired of cutting him breaks. Even his wife has left him for a flashy homicide detective. Busted to night patrol at a robbery-prone Omaha supermarket, Worth is doing time, wearing his uniform and asking shoppers if they want paper or plastic. If that isn’t enough, he suspects he might be falling for Gwen, the shy checkout girl who may be an even bigger mess than he is. It couldn’t get any worse. Until it does.
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A Really Good Modern American Noir Crime Novel
- By Frank Donnelly on 04-23-20
By: Sean Doolittle
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Mine
- By: Robert R. McCammon
- Narrated by: Isabelle Gordon
- Length: 16 hrs and 14 mins
- Unabridged
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Back in the 1960s, Mary Terrell shot and killed a man. A former member of the fanatical Storm Front Brigade - a splinter group of the notorious Weathermen - Terrell has stayed one step ahead of the FBI for decades. Living with numerous identities and menial jobs, Terrell's only constants in life have been LSD, psychotic delusions of motherhood, and murderous rage.
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American Radical nightmare!
- By Rob Malone on 04-30-18
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Passenger
- By: Andrew Smith
- Narrated by: Mark Boyett
- Length: 12 hrs and 40 mins
- Unabridged
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Best friends Jack and Conner can’t stay away from Marbury. It’s partly because of their obsession with this alternate world and the unresolved war that still wages there. But it’s also because forces in Marbury - including the darkest of the dark, who were not revealed in The Marbury Lens - are beckoning the boys back in order to save their friends… and themselves.
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plot twist at the end of the book 🤤🤤
- By melanie on 11-10-17
By: Andrew Smith
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Teenage delinquent Angel Crawford lives with her redneck father in the swamps of southern Louisiana. She's a high school dropout, addicted to drugs and alcohol, and has a police record a mile long. But when she's made into a zombie after a car crash, her addictions disappear, except for her all-consuming need to stay "alive".
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Year Zero
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Low-level entertainment lawyer Nick Carter thinks it's a prank, not an alien encounter, when a redheaded mullah and a curvaceous nun show up at his office. But Frampton and Carly are highly advanced (if bumbling) extraterrestrials. And boy, do they have news. The entire cosmos, they tell him, has been hopelessly hooked on humanity's music ever since "Year Zero" (1977 to us), when American pop songs first reached alien ears. This addiction has driven a vast intergalactic society to commit the biggest copyright violation since the Big Bang.
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Fantastic Performance by Hodgman
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FantasticLand
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Since the 1970s, FantasticLand has been the theme park where "Fun is Guaranteed!" But when a hurricane ravages the Florida coast and isolates the park, the employees find it anything but fun. Five weeks later, the authorities who rescue the survivors encounter a scene of horror. Photos soon emerge online of heads on spikes outside of rides and viscera and human bones littering the gift shops, breaking records for hits, views, likes, clicks, and shares.
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Absurd...But awesome
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What listeners say about John Dies at the End
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- C Yohe
- 11-19-12
Vulgar Funny. 4.95 Sale Win.
This author has a certain fixation with bodily fluids, and human extremities. So while this book IS hilarious, expect many of the funny moments to involve poop jokes. Seriously. Yes, it's very funny, but there is so much vulgarity. And it all seems to be centered around profanity, and gross-out horror. It didn't really bother me, but this book's bad guys are bad because they are so morally alien to our values, and like to manifest as obscenely deviant as possible. Hopefully that doesn't give too much away, but I feel like you should be warned.
Stephen R. Thorne does a great job at narration, his pacing and delivery are perfect.
There is more then one book in this series.
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- L. M. Roberts
- 11-01-12
Made me feel old
Every decade has its twist on the various genres. This is very new-gen. I suspect it is better than I can appreciate in my older-than-I-feel 50's, but it's a nice insight into the future of horror! Or should that be fantasy? Or maybe comic suspense? I guess that's the whole point.
Quirky, yes. Suspenseful? Sort of. It's so over-the-top I never really worried about any of the characters, first because I could not relate to them and second because I never once thought of them as real people. That doesn't mean they weren't sympathetic, in their own way (think nephew you don't much like but have to be nice to cause your sister's their mom).
There are no cliches in this book, at least not yet. There are plenty of didn't-see-it-coming. I'm not sure if I'll read more from this author, but I sure won't rule it out!
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- Michael
- 09-18-12
Funny but unfulfilling
This book does a few things very well. The narration is really excellent, the off-beat humor is entertaining, and the story has some interesting elements, but it lacks quite a bit as well. Much of the humor is scatological (which is ok in small doses unless you are under fifteen), the characterizations are weak, and the story is so unbounded it became silly. I found this book lacks the underlying spirit that makes Hitchhikers Guide and most Koontz books really compelling.
I imagine that if I were a tween boy this might be hilarious and even a little scary, but as it is, I found myself laughing occasionally, but mostly waiting for it to end.
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- Ryan
- 01-30-13
The mutant love child of “Clerks”, H.P. Lovecraft
Part of me is eternally 14 years old, so I spent the first few chapters snorting with laughter at David Wong’s over-the-top slacker humor parody of horror movies, buddy stories, and various aspects of American society. Our hero, David, is a not-especially-heroic everydude who works at a video story, and constantly gets roped into his irrepressible doofus friend John’s schemes. A series of bizarre events leads to John being infected by a strange substance called “soy sauce”, which opens a gateway to another reality and enables the duo to see, hear, and experience weird things they previously couldn’t.
Part of me is also an adult, so the hilarity wore off a little once I’d gotten used to the schtick, but the story was creative enough to keep me entertained. Rather than just cranking out a predictable riff on horror movies, Wong (not his real name) comes up with a pretty imaginative, creepy universe of his own, one that probably would have been fun in the hands of a more “serious” writer, too. There are twists and turns to the story, as the soy sauce (and the dark beings behind it) bend the laws of time and space, and David reveals himself to be a less than totally reliable narrator. The author, it seems, had a grand old time anticipating the reader’s anticipation and trying to stay ahead of it. Does John really die in the end? Oh, you’ll just have to find out.
I can see where the Hitchhiker's Guide comparisons are coming from, even though Wong’s sense of humor is a lot crasser than Douglas Adams. Like that classic, John Dies is essentially a fistful of spitballs flung at the wall, and many don’t stick, but it has the same spirit of inventiveness and rambunctious fun. And there are some trenchant social observations -- towards the end, the plot used videogames in a way that made my mind go "whoah".
I'm glad I listened to the audio version. Smart-stupid wit often works best when it harkens back to its ancient oral tradition and, in this case, Stephen Thorne's conspiratorial tone and impeccable delivery are a perfect fit for the material.
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- Alex
- 05-21-12
Good fun, good narrator
John Dies is an entertaining and mind-bending horror-comedy novel. The horror is high on gross-out factor, not really particularly scary (despite what other reviewers have said--maybe they actually believe in shadow people, I don't know...). The humor is great. I don't know how quite to put my finger on it but I feel like it's very 21st century. Something about naming a drug that opens the doors of your perception to the supernatural and beyond "Soy Sauce" just sounds like something you'd find on the internet. Maybe that and the frequent video game references. I'd recommend this book if you're the type of person who laughs their way through most monster flicks. You'll find a kindred spirit in this writer. As for the narrator, I thought he did a great job. Good voices for most of the characters, other than perhaps Amy whom I thought sounded a bit bland. I look forward to the movie and the sequel.
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- claire b cotts
- 06-17-13
It started off so promisingly........
While not my usual read, I thought the description was funny and gave it a try.,
It is very funny (at first) and the gross out and horror parts of it were so over-the-top that, though I'm usually squeamish, they didn't bother me at all.
But somewhere, a little bit before the midway point, it really ran out of steam and became repetitive. (I saw where it had originally been released on the net episodically, and it shows- it really could use an editor.)
over and over, you get.....
"I couldn't have known, at that moment, that my life was going to change for ever.
There before me stood a ________(Insert weird thing here), that looked like a cross between a _______(Insert slimy or horrifying thing here) slug/spider/winged bat/ with seven ten inch long _____ (tentacles/stalks/antlers) emerging from it's back, each ending in what appeared to be a ________(hand/eyeball/ear).
Strangely, it also seemed be wearing ____________(insert quirky pop cultural reference or banal household object here) a hoover vacuum cleaner/microwave oven/can of Vienna sausages) on what would've been its head. It shuddered, slightly, and then emitted a steady stream of _______ (flatulence,/bodily fluid/bodily gas product/weird sounds)"..
I really enjoyed the first part, and the narrator does a great job. It just kept going way past the point where it should have ended. After the midpoint, it felt like it was being written with the idea of making it a movie in mind.
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- colleen
- 08-04-12
Weird. great, but weird.
I like this book quite a bit. I had to re-listen to a few parts when I didn't pay close enough attention and found myself totally lost and it got a little Stephen king weird about 2 chapters in. All and all this was a good first book for the author and I'll watch for more from him.
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- Jennifer
- 10-15-12
Funny but unorganized and crass
Where does John Dies at the End rank among all the audiobooks you’ve listened to so far?
The narrator was excellent and delivered the story well, but I found that the plot was confusing and overall lacked continuity. The style of writing was very enjoyable and funny, but I found that the details were unnecessarily crass and didn't add anything to the story (lots of references to fecal matter and urine and genitals). The characters weren't believable, especially their reactions in the story. It was a wild tale, and I think for me it was difficult to enjoy because it didn't have any firm footing in plot. The brotherly-like duo reminds me of Supernatural, but with less character development and all of the absurdity and randomness of hitchhikers guide to the Galaxy.
What was your reaction to the ending? (No spoilers please!)
The story seemed to have an ending that wrapped up nicely, but then it kept going and dropped off a cliff, quite abruptly. I was left with many questions, and overall wishing that the plot had been carried out differently. Overall, it left me feeling unsatisfied.
Any additional comments?
The humor and style reminded me a bit of Douglas Adams, and I would like to see more from David Wong. I'd read his books again with hopes for more continuity and less graphic humor.
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- Shaun
- 07-28-12
Funniest book in years.
Where does John Dies at the End rank among all the audiobooks you’ve listened to so far?
This is by far in my top 5, I will listen to this again and again. Funny, fantastic narrator just plain wrong in all the best ways.
What did you like best about this story?
The screw ball comedy, the most absurd and unexpected things happening and the great personality of the characters (outstanding writing) makes this funny, perfectly paced and keeps you smiling; when it doesn't have you looking over your shoulder for a floating jellyfish)
What about Stephen R. Thorne’s performance did you like?
Great range, I felt like his character was talking to me directly. His performance accentuates the humor and is what made this one of the best audio books I have ever listened to.
Did you have an extreme reaction to this book? Did it make you laugh or cry?
I laughed a LOT. Very funny if you can appreciate the humor
Any additional comments?
GET THIS BOOK! You won't be disappointed...
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- Sarah
- 02-04-12
Supernatural meets Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy
Wong does an amazing job of creating terrifying, heart-pounding supernatural suspense with excellent description and action, then catches you completely off guard by making a joke in the middle of the action. The characters are well drawn out and likable and the story is convoluted but fun to follow along with. I love the fact that Wong really plays with the "unreliable narrator" concept with this novel. The narrator does a great job of conveying the sarcastic-ness of the prose; my only complaint is that his voice for John is a bit too close to Jack Nicholson and can be distracting. I hope we get more from this author in the near future.
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