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So how was it he found himself on all fours getting his virginity taken royally by this big Danish dude, Dolf, who looked like a tattooed evil prince, while a mysterious dark lord watched, waiting in the shadows....
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By Sarah R. Jacobs on 10-11-17
X. J.? This is just a teeny bit scattered.
The sex is hot (if a bit difficult to swallow, heheh, even in the given context).
The characters are somewhere between Lemony Snicket and an SCTV parody of Monty Python's Flying Circus.
The whole beginning with an ending thing is cleverish, unless you did not mean to make a verbal-structural pun on "end" and "butt."
The epistolary short story is kind of unwieldy if you want to write erotica. Particularly if you want to include four POVs (you may have included more than that. I had to stop halfway through the Shadow Emperor or whatever's Gordon Gekko/Fagan/Moriarty monologue).
This would be so much better if you teased it out and included less about the inner workings of the arch-sex-fiends' minds.
James Talbot does the same wry, campy, David-Lynch's-film-universe-based porn narrator job (sort of a Jason Fraziery slow, quavering burn, that constantly feels like the wink of a guy who chews Skoal, but only ironically) he always does.
He gives the Shadow King or whatever, and Baron von Dolph (seriously? is there a Graf von Arnold and a Prinz von Rutger?) exactly the sort of authenticity given them by you, their sire, who may well be his brother, husband, or alter ego.
All that said, as Dennis Miller is wont to say, that's just my opinion. I could be wrong.