• The Butcher, the Baker, the Candlestick Maker

  • An Erotic Memoir
  • By: Suzanne Portnoy
  • Narrated by: Suzanne Portnoy
  • Length: 8 hrs and 6 mins
  • Unabridged
  • Release date: 03-13-07
  • Language: English
  • Publisher: Virgin Books Limited
  • 2.9 (48 ratings)

Regular price: $25.82

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Publisher's Summary

"It was 1 pm when I said to my receptionist, 'I have a meeting. Back in two hours.' A half hour later, I was having sex with a complete stranger. It was fantastic. "At 29 I got married to live the life of the perfect wife with the gorgeous children. I did that for 10 years, the last four of which I was completely celibate. Then I went online and everything changed." After a love affair with a man 3,000 miles away, whom she met online, Suzanne Portnoy, mother of two and a top executive in the entertainment industry, begins her sexual reawakening. Embarking on a sensational and prolific series of liaisons, Suzanne beds a top London chef, who cooks her a 5-star meal on the day her husband moves out. An affair with a famous men's magazine editor quickly ensues, followed by a top cameraman who takes pictures of Suzanne naked. But that's just the beginning. Insatiable, Suzanne dives into the swinging scene and works her way through an entire spectrum of sexual experience, including exhibitionism, group sex, fetish clubs, and a predilection for picking up men during her lunch hour. The Butcher, The Baker, The Candlestick Maker is a story that is shocking and heart-warming in equal measure. Freed from the restraints of marriage and monogamy, Suzanne takes pleasure without commitment and tells her story without a trace of shame. She's not looking for Prince Charming anymore; she's looking for fun. And she finds it. For Adults Only: Explicit language. Must be 18 years of age to purchase.
©2006 Suzanne Portnoy
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Critic Reviews

"Gritty and explicit." (The Observer)
"Eye-poppingly unambiguous prose." (Esquire)
"Intelligently written and brutally honest." (Metro)
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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful

By Cherith on 04-17-07

Predictable Porn

My first listen in the erotic romance category...not impressed. Memoirs told from a female perspective focusing on how many, how big. I was looking for something with more romance, emotion, feelings. Occassionally titillating, but after a few stories, nothing but boring. Will pass on this author and narrator in the future. Found the narration to be distracting - 1/2 American accent, 1/4 British, 1/4 weird.

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5 of 5 people found this review helpful

By Private. on 02-05-13

Erotica Read By Human Robot

This was unintentionally funny, because the narrator was simply out of her depth in reading an explicit memoir like this. Picture that recorded voice that welcomes you to the mall when you're given your ticket. Picture the recorded voice in the airport that tells you which zones are for loading and unloading. Now imagine that voice reading a dirty memoir. I don't know about you, but I laughed my ass off for the first ten minutes until i realized two things: the entire memoir will sound like this, and the sinking knowledge that I had wasted yet another precious credit...DAMN!!

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2 of 2 people found this review helpful

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful

By JonR on 07-18-09

Pretty boring

Not sure whether this was a novel or an "erotic" diary! Very quickly turns into a catalogue of sexual encounters, none of which are written about in a particular exciting manner. In addition the author had two annoying traits in her story telling. Firstly she seems to have total recall of every outfit she was wearing on any particular occasion, and tells us how well it showed a particular part of her body; and secondly has her male partners compliment either her sexual prowess or looks regularly; making her come across as a very vain person. Should have been sexy, but is very much a logistical account!

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5 of 5 people found this review helpful

By Allan on 02-23-08


Not erotic - at least not for me. Simply coarse and brutal without any finesse at all. She complains about lack of variety in her sexual partners and I must admit I felt the same about her book. At times it reads as a sex manual, at others as a personal diary creating little interest.

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5 of 6 people found this review helpful

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