The Butcher, the Baker, the Candlestick Maker

  • by Suzanne Portnoy
  • Narrated by Suzanne Portnoy
  • 8 hrs and 6 mins
  • Unabridged Audiobook

Publisher's Summary

"It was 1 pm when I said to my receptionist, 'I have a meeting. Back in two hours.' A half hour later, I was having sex with a complete stranger. It was fantastic. "At 29 I got married to live the life of the perfect wife with the gorgeous children. I did that for 10 years, the last four of which I was completely celibate. Then I went online and everything changed." After a love affair with a man 3,000 miles away, whom she met online, Suzanne Portnoy, mother of two and a top executive in the entertainment industry, begins her sexual reawakening. Embarking on a sensational and prolific series of liaisons, Suzanne beds a top London chef, who cooks her a 5-star meal on the day her husband moves out. An affair with a famous men's magazine editor quickly ensues, followed by a top cameraman who takes pictures of Suzanne naked. But that's just the beginning. Insatiable, Suzanne dives into the swinging scene and works her way through an entire spectrum of sexual experience, including exhibitionism, group sex, fetish clubs, and a predilection for picking up men during her lunch hour. The Butcher, The Baker, The Candlestick Maker is a story that is shocking and heart-warming in equal measure. Freed from the restraints of marriage and monogamy, Suzanne takes pleasure without commitment and tells her story without a trace of shame. She's not looking for Prince Charming anymore; she's looking for fun. And she finds it. For Adults Only: Explicit language. Must be 18 years of age to purchase.

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What the Critics Say

"Gritty and explicit." (The Observer)
"Eye-poppingly unambiguous prose." (Esquire)
"Intelligently written and brutally honest." (Metro)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful

Predictable Porn

My first listen in the erotic romance category...not impressed. Memoirs told from a female perspective focusing on how many, how big. I was looking for something with more romance, emotion, feelings. Occassionally titillating, but after a few stories, nothing but boring. Will pass on this author and narrator in the future. Found the narration to be distracting - 1/2 American accent, 1/4 British, 1/4 weird.
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- Cherith

Erotica Read By Human Robot

This was unintentionally funny, because the narrator was simply out of her depth in reading an explicit memoir like this. Picture that recorded voice that welcomes you to the mall when you're given your ticket. Picture the recorded voice in the airport that tells you which zones are for loading and unloading. Now imagine that voice reading a dirty memoir. I don't know about you, but I laughed my ass off for the first ten minutes until i realized two things: the entire memoir will sound like this, and the sinking knowledge that I had wasted yet another precious credit...DAMN!!
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- Citizen Arcane

Book Details

  • Release Date: 03-13-2007
  • Publisher: Virgin Books Limited