Shopping Survival Guide for Men: How a Man Can Survive a Shopping Experience Without Having to Gnaw His Arm Off

  • by Dan Van Oss
  • Narrated by Johnny Heller
  • 2 hrs and 33 mins
  • Unabridged Audiobook

Publisher's Summary

A frank and hilarious guide to every man's mind-numbing nemesis: Shopping.
Guys, spent one too many Saturdays marooned at the mall? Rejuvenate your manhood with the Shopping Survival Guide for Men. This indispensable sanity-saver exposes the hidden history and insidious psychology of shopping. Hint: it's crazy. Plus, this book cool-headedly guides you through the treacherous, credit card-melting mazes of:


Shoes: "If you've ever been in the shoe section of any major department store, you now know what the gross national product of Belgium would look like if it consisted of footwear, which, for all I know about Belgium, it does."
Makeup: "Egyptians used cochineal bugs to make red dye for their lips, and I don't even care what 'cochineal' means because the word 'bugs' is after it."
Prom Dress Shopping: "Like most men, all you know about prom dresses is that they are more expensive than a good set of tires."
Fashion Terminology: "Puckered Bodice: A banned professional wrestling move involving a lemon, a folding chair, and a car battery."
Shopping History: "1687: Isaac Newton develops the law of universal gravity after his wife's shoe rack collapses on him."
Don't get dragged to the mall without it!

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful

funny, short and to the point

Shopping Survival Guide is a humor book written for men who are dating or married to the girl who loves to shop. Luckily I am not one of these guys, but I was at one point. It is full of funny tidbits on how to get through and the “history” of shopping.

The narration was done very well by Johnny Heller. He uses his tone to conjure up the humor that is written, and allows the reader to feel like he is getting his money worth while listening to this. The book is short, but there were no issues in production quality at all.

This is one of those books you could listen to while you and your shopaholic other half were out… shopping of course. It’s a quick 2.5-hour audiobook that doesn’t leave much to the imagination.

Starting off the author explains his reasoning behind writing this book, and explains the way it’s going to go. It’s a pretty simple and easy to follow book. But, I’m glad that I got the audiobook, humor books always have a little more to them when they are read. Normally I’m listening to a memoir by a comedian read by the comedian, but this was similar enough that I enjoyed it.

This book will not be for everyone, it’s funny, short and to the point. The stories and tales from within conjure up a good chuckle of days past when I was dating a girl who just loved to shop. She would spend a hobo’s money if she could (I don’t miss her at all, can you tell).

Needless to say, Van Oss’s writing style reminds me of a Dave Berry and a little bit of Ray Romano. It was a quick painless read that helped me get through this week. Now... off to go shopping! Just kidding.

Audiobook provided for review by the author.

Please find this complete review and many others at my review blog

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- AudioBook Reviewer

Enjoyable if not perfect shopping survival guide

Would you try another book from Dan Van Oss and/or Johnny Heller?

I would probably give either of them another chance


What was your reaction to the ending? (No spoilers please!)

No surprises


What didn’t you like about Johnny Heller’s performance?

Johnny Heller has a great voice, but I don't think it was a good fit for this book


If this book were a movie would you go see it?

I don't think this book would lend itself to a movie


Any additional comments?

I can't say this was a laugh out loud book, but I found myself chuckling frequently and overall enjoyed the book. There were a few times when the author kept certain jokes going beyond the point of humor; however, I imagine this will improve if he continues to write.
"This audiobook was provided by the author, narrator, or publisher at no cost in exchange for an unbiased review courtesy of AudiobookBlast dot com."

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- Aaron Wagner

Book Details

  • Release Date: 06-11-2015
  • Publisher: Dan Van Oss