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Publisher's Summary

After being dumped by his longtime girlfriend, 28-year-old Justin Halpern found himself living at home with his 73-year-old dad. Sam Halpern, who is “like Socrates, but angrier, and with worse hair,” has never minced words, and when Justin moved back home, he began to record all the ridiculous things his dad said to him:
“That woman was sexy...Out of your league? Son, let women figure out why they won’t screw you. Don’t do it for them.”
“Do people your age know how to comb their hair? It looks like two squirrels crawled on their heads and started fucking.”
“The worst thing you can be is a liar...Okay, fine, yes, the worst thing you can be is a Nazi, but then number two is liar. Nazi one, liar two.”
More than a million people now follow Mr. Halpern’s philosophical musings on Twitter, and in this book, his son weaves a brilliantly funny, touching coming-of-age memoir around the best of his quotes.
An all-American story that unfolds on the Little League field, in Denny’s, during excruciating family road trips, and, most frequently, in the Halperns’ kitchen over bowls of Grape-Nuts, Sh-t My Dad Says is a chaotic, hilarious, true portrait of a father-son relationship from a major new comic voice.
©2010 Justin Halpern (P)2010 HarperCollins Publishers
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Critic Reviews

“If you’re wondering if there is a real man behind the quotes on Twitter, the answer is a definite and laugh-out-loud yes.” (Christian Lander, New York Times best-selling author of Stuff White People Like)
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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful
5 out of 5 stars
By Michael on 05-08-10

Really Funny! Should Be Up for an Audie Award

This book had me laughing so hard that I woke my wife up and got curious stares on the bus. While the run time of this audio book is only 3 hours it is the perfect length to get an idea of how Justin's father thinks and you also get a sense that there is absolutely no filter when he thinks something to when he speaks what's on his mind. This very funny book that does use course language because Justin's father is a little gruff! IF you are offended by such language, then stay away.

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16 of 17 people found this review helpful

5 out of 5 stars
By Heather on 08-21-12

Funny Book, Great Voice

If you could sum up Sh-t My Dad Says in three words, what would they be?

Funny as sh!t.

What did you like best about this story?

I thought the way the chapters were summarized by a one liner from his dad were the best. I was laughing so hard, my sides and cheeks hurt.

Have you listened to any of Sean Schemmel’s other performances before? How does this one compare?

I listened to "I Suck at Girls" and thought Mr. Schemmel's performance was hilarious. He used many different voices for the characters, which is something I think is important. He also uses inflection in his voice and makes the story come alive.

Was there a moment in the book that particularly moved you?

The whole book is great. Did it move me? Sure- it moved me to the kleenex box because I was laughing so hard, I cried.

Any additional comments?

Don't listen to this one around other people unless they know what you're doing. You may get hauled off to the looney bin because you're laughing at nothing.

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5 of 5 people found this review helpful

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