In Fifty Years We'll All Be Chicks...

  • by Adam Carolla
  • Narrated by Adam Carolla
  • 6 hrs and 42 mins
  • Abridged Audiobook

Publisher's Summary

"A couple years back, I was at the Phoenix airport bar. It was empty except for one heavy-set, gray bearded, grizzled guy who looked like he just rode his donkey into town after a long day of panning for silver in them thar hills. He ordered a Jack Daniels straight up, and that's when I overheard the young guy with the earring behind the bar asking him if he had ID. At first the old sea captain just laughed. But the guy with the twinkle in his ear asked again. At this point it became apparent that he was serious. Dan Haggerty's dad fired back, 'You've got to be kidding me, son.' The bartender replied, 'New policy. Everyone has to show their ID.' Then I watched Burl Ives reluctantly reach into his dungarees and pull out his military identification card from World War II."
It's a sad and eerie harbinger of our times that the Oprah-watching, crystal-rubbing, Whole Foods-shopping moms and their whipped attorney husbands have taken the ability to reason away from the poor schlub who makes the Bloody Marys. What we used to settle with common sense or a fist, we now settle with hand sanitizer and lawyers. Adam Carolla has had enough of this insanity and he's here to help us get our collective balls back.
In Fifty Years We'll All Be Chicks is Adam's comedic gospel of modern America. He rips into the absurdity of the culture that demonized the peanut butter and jelly sandwich, turned the nation's bathrooms into a lawless free-for-all of urine and fecal matter, and put its citizens at the mercy of a bunch of minimum wagers with axes to grind. Peppered between complaints, Carolla shares candid anecdotes from his day to day life as well as his past Sunday football at Jimmy Kimmel's house, his attempts to raise his kids in a society that he mostly disagrees with, his big showbiz break, and much, much more. Brilliantly showcasing Adam's spot-on sense of humor, this book cements his status as a cultural commentator/comedian/complainer extraordinaire.

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What the Critics Say

"If comedy books were a big-breasted porn collection, In Fifty Years We'll All Be Chicks would be Christy Canyon." (Bill Simmons, ESPN columnist and best-selling author of The Book of Basketball)
"Adam Carolla is a genius. And no, I'm not kidding."(Jimmy Kimmel)
“I don’t know this guy from Adam, but Carolla’s humor - fearlessly crass, shamelessly honest and irresistibly funny - sucks out like liposuction the layers of fatty pride to expose the often warped and wounded psyche buried deep within the modern American male.”(Ken Burns)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful

Save your money: racist, ignorant, loud babble

Starts very slow. An autobiography that goes on forever. I wouldn't mind if he were saying some jokes as he went along, but it's all the same rags-to-riches story we've heard a million times. Adam has as nice tone and it sounds like a friend is telling his story after too many beers, so you plow through it. You get a hint of his homophobia and racism. Not funny. But tolerable.

The middle of the audiobook picks up some speed. Adam gets to some funny stuff, not very original, but still funny. Airport security. Urinals and bathroom protocols. How doctors and auto repair shops overcharge you etc. You know, the same topics comics beat over and over these days. Some of it funny.

Then downhill. A freakin' list of movies he likes and dislikes that goes on forever. Nothing to do with the title or theme of the book. Just his list. Did I just pay fifteen bucks to listen to this?

And then his loud, long rant about his favorite music and who he likes from the '80s. You start feeling the ripoff. You beg for him to say something funny, show a new angle, something fresh that will make you smile. Instead he starts yelling and you have to turn the volume down to adjust. All about his taste.

It gets worse. Racist rants against Mexicans. In the same line as people who say "I'm not racist, I just don't like black people". Adam has nothing against Mexicans, it's just their culture, their being, their opportunism that he doesn't like. Jails are full of non-whites, and there's a reason for it. A family is a man and a woman, not gays. Women belong in the house. White men have made all good inventions in this world. On and on.

They advertise this as if he's some new George Carlin. By the end you realize it's just Jeff Foxworthy leftovers.

He complains that people call him a KKK Grand Wizard when he tells these 'plain truths'. Well, just go to any white supremacist website. You'll find the same jokes for free.

Save yourself $15 and go buy beer. At least you'll feel good about it.
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- Sebastian

Adam Carolla does no wrong...

Plain and simple...
there is no honesty... no true insight... no opinions these days. Adam Carolla is the truth.
Check out his podcasts.
from old lovelines to his true self in his podcasts u can't find better...
always insightful...
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- shari

Book Details

  • Release Date: 11-02-2010
  • Publisher: Random House Audio