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250 Ultimate Funny Pick Up Lines
- Hilarious, Cute, and Cheesy Pick Up Lines to Meet Women
- Narrated by: Eddie Leonard Jr.
- Length: 23 mins
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250 Ultimate Funny Pick Up Lines
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Publisher's summary
A collection of 250 of the funniest pickup lines anywhere!
If you love adult humor and a good laugh, then you will enjoy these cute, nerdy, and dirty pickup lines.
Many lines can be deployed effectively in real life without the threat of an impending face slap. However, other offensive lines are for entertainment only. You have to decide your level of risk.
"On a scale of one to America, how free are you tonight?"
"I wish I was your calculus homework. Because then I'd be really hard, and you'd be doing me on your desk."
Eighteen chapters include topics such as animals and music, and there's even a chapter just for the girls, to help pick up guys. Also included are chapters for Twitter and Tinder lines, to help you stand out on the latest social networks. Free bonus chapter: Turn Downs: Hilarious Insults to Make Any Creeper Leave You Alone.
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Story4 out of 5 stars 121
When Beatrice Trixie Jordan replies to a personal ad, she meets Jacob Grace, a charming, effervescent 30-something free-spirit writer passionately seeking life. He possesses his own turns of phrase and ways of thinking and feeling that dissonantly harmonize with Trixie's off-center vision. As they rollercoaster through the joys and furies of their wrenching romance, they try to come to terms with the hurt brought about by both of their distant fathers who, in different ways, forsook them.
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5 out of 5 stars
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To see a fortune teller or not to see one...
- By Renee on 08-08-18
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The Secret Diary of Laura Palmer (Twin Peaks)
- By: Jennifer Lynch
- Narrated by: Sheryl Lee
- Length: 6 hrs and 42 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 949
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 876
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 869
Lifeless and wrapped in plastic. This is how Sheryl Lee was first introduced as "Laura Palmer" in the cult television classic, Twin Peaks. Now, Sheryl returns to voice Laura's darkest secrets in the audiobook event that fans of the show have long awaited.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Wrapped in plastic
- By Phillip Frangules on 05-08-17
By: Jennifer Lynch
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Face Off: Emile
- Nashville Sound, Book 1
- By: Alicia Hunter Pace
- Narrated by: Andrew Eiden
- Length: 6 hrs and 41 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 28
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 25
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 25
Emile Giroux has vowed he will be everything his stepfather is not: cultured, charming, sophisticated, and - above all else - a rich, successful NHL star. One of the top goalies in the league, the French Canadian strives for more, still haunted by his troubled childhood. Amy Callahan was a freelance professional organizer until an ambitious, domineering boyfriend took over her life and cleaned out her bank account. When Emile finds Amy literally kicked to the curb, he seizes his latest chance to rescue a damsel in distress - only Amy doesn’t want to play that game.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Adorable!
- By kestergayle on 08-24-18
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In His Protection
- K-9 Defenders, Book 1
- By: Sandra Owens
- Narrated by: Patrick Zeller
- Length: 8 hrs and 25 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 140
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 130
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 129
Chief of police Tristan Church likes Marsville just the way it is. He has his job and his police dog, Fuzz, for company. He could have Sheriff Skylar Morgan, too, but she’s determined to keep him at arm’s length, even if the one night they shared was unforgettable. Skylar can’t deny that the connection she has with Tristan is unlike anything she’s ever felt before. She loves Marsville, but while most of the town is happy with her as Sheriff, it’s been a long, hard road proving herself.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Another great read by the talented Mrs. Owens !
- By Amazon Customer on 08-28-22
By: Sandra Owens
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Just My Luck
- By: Andrea Bramhall
- Narrated by: Rachael Beresford
- Length: 8 hrs and 43 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall5 out of 5 stars 28
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Performance5 out of 5 stars 27
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 27
Genna Collins works a dead end job, loves her family, her girlfriend, and her friends. When she wins the biggest Euromillions jackpot on record everything changes . . . and not always for the best. When Abi Kitson fell in love she always knew it would go unrequited. The woman of her dreams was so close yet seemingly untouchable for so many reasons. Reasons like—they are best friends, or the big age gap, or the 'other' woman, nevermind Abi's own baggage.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Great story!
- By Steph on 08-28-23
By: Andrea Bramhall
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Every Anxious Wave
- By: Mo Daviau
- Narrated by: Zach Villa
- Length: 8 hrs and 8 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 620
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 555
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Story4 out of 5 stars 553
Why would we need music if our lives were exactly as we wanted them to be? Karl Bender is a quiet guy who lives in three places: his bar, his apartment, and the cheap Mediterranean place on the corner that keeps him well fed with his daily portion of hummus and chicken shwarma. But that's all about to change. When he stumbles upon a time-traveling wormhole, Karl develops a business selling access to people who want to go back in time to hear their favorite bands.
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3 out of 5 stars
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Frustrating
- By Brit N Jonn Designs on 03-31-16
By: Mo Daviau
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Whiskey & Ribbons
- By: Leesa Cross-Smith
- Narrated by: Larry Heron, Joe Bearor, Tunisia Hardison
- Length: 8 hrs and 34 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 162
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 141
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Story4 out of 5 stars 140
Set in contemporary Louisville, Leesa Cross-Smith's mesmerizing first novel surrounding the death of a police officer is a requiem for marriage, friendship, and family, from an author Roxane Gay has called "a consummate storyteller". Evi - a classically-trained ballerina - was nine months pregnant when her husband Eamon was killed in the line of duty on a steamy morning in July. Now, it is winter, and Eamon's adopted brother Dalton has moved in to help her raise six-month-old Noah.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Beautifully Tragic and Heart Healing
- By Jennifer Glover on 08-17-18
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An Abundance of Katherines
- By: John Green
- Narrated by: Jeff Woodman
- Length: 6 hrs and 47 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 336
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 287
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 286
When it comes to relationships, Colin Singleton’s type is girls named Katherine. And when it comes to girls named Katherine, Colin is always getting dumped. Nineteen times, to be exact. On a road trip miles from home, this anagram-happy, washed-up child prodigy has $10,000 in his pocket, a bloodthirsty feral hog on his trail, and an overweight, Judge Judy-loving best friend riding shotgun - but no Katherines.
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1 out of 5 stars
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struggled to finish listening
- By Daniel on 03-11-20
By: John Green
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Does This Baby Make Me Look Straight?
- Confessions of a Gay Dad
- By: Dan Bucatinsky
- Narrated by: Dan Bucatinsky
- Length: 5 hrs and 37 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 866
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 795
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 794
In 2005, Dan Bucatinsky and his partner, Don Roos, found themselves in an L.A. delivery room, decked out in disposable scrubs from shower cap to booties, to welcome their adopted baby girl - launching their frantic yet memorable adventures into fatherhood. Two and a half years later, the same birth mother - a heroically generous, pack-a-day teen with a passion for Bridezilla marathons and Mountain Dew - delivered a son into the couple’s arms.
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3 out of 5 stars
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A Parenting Book with Humor and Heart
- By The Reading Date on 02-05-14
By: Dan Bucatinsky
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The Story of Arthur Truluv
- A Novel
- By: Elizabeth Berg
- Narrated by: Elizabeth Berg
- Length: 6 hrs and 53 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 1,324
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Performance4 out of 5 stars 1,157
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 1,151
Three people find their way back from loss and loneliness to a different kind of belonging in this deeply moving novel. Arthur, an old widower struggling to overcome his grief, meets Maddy, a troubled teenage girl who avoids school by hiding out where Arthur goes every day for lunch. The two strike up a friendship that draws them out of isolation.
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3 out of 5 stars
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Sickly Sweet
- By Amazon Customer on 01-19-18
By: Elizabeth Berg
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Gemini
- By: Penelope Ward
- Narrated by: Therese Plummer, Eric Michael Summerer
- Length: 10 hrs and 16 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 1,096
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 1,012
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Story4 out of 5 stars 1,011
Diner waitress Allison Abraham has no idea her mundane life is about to change dramatically the day she serves a devastatingly handsome customer. Allison is immediately captivated by the mysterious man who stares through her soul with his electric-blue eyes. After he abruptly leaves the restaurant, she can't get him out of her head. She has no idea that he actually came on a mission to find her. Cedric Callahan wasn't expecting to fall in love at first sight with the pretty waitress he'd set out to find.
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5 out of 5 stars
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WHAT A JOURNEY, WHAT A LOVE STORY & WHAT AN AUTHOR
- By CAROLYN 🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹 on 11-14-16
By: Penelope Ward
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New American Best Friend
- By: Olivia Gatwood
- Narrated by: Olivia Gatwood
- Length: 54 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 17
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 14
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Story5 out of 5 stars 13
One of the most recognizable young poets in America, Olivia Gatwood dazzles with her tribute to contemporary American womanhood in her debut book, New American Best Friend. Gatwood's poems deftly deconstruct traditional stereotypes. The focus shifts from childhood to adulthood, gender to sexuality, violence to joy. And always and inexorably, the book moves toward celebration, culminating in a series of odes: odes to the body, to tough women, to embracing your own journey in all its failures and triumphs.
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3 out of 5 stars
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Amazing poetry, but the music
- By Keaira on 07-29-19
By: Olivia Gatwood
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Indulge
- By: Georgia Cates
- Narrated by: Joe Arden, Ava Erickson
- Length: 8 hrs and 49 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 452
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 419
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 421
Beau Emerson is no gentleman. Those hazel eyes. That filthy mouth. That greedy, hard body. It all equates to one thing. Irresistible. One look and I know he'll bruise my lips and scar my knees. He'll give me the best nine days of my life while ruining me in the most beautiful way imaginable. And I'll let him, because he has the power to talk me into anything. Except one thing. Staying. I have no choice. The things I desire from him will destroy me in the end.
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5 out of 5 stars
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INDULGE YOURSELVES IN THIS STEAMY LOVE STORY
- By CAROLYN 🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹 on 04-23-16
By: Georgia Cates
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Lottery
- By: Patricia Wood
- Narrated by: Paul Michael
- Length: 8 hrs and 48 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 532
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 217
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 228
Perry's IQ is only 76, but he's not stupid. His grandmother taught him everything he needs to know to survive: she taught him to write things down so he won't forget them. She taught him to play the lottery every week. And, most important, she taught him whom to trust. When Gram dies, Perry is left orphaned and bereft at the age of 31. Then his weekly Washington State Lottery ticket wins him 12 million dollars, and he finds he has more family than he knows what to do with.
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5 out of 5 stars
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lottery
- By hilobilly on 08-09-07
By: Patricia Wood
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In Search of Cleo
- How I Found My Pussy and Lost My Mind
- By: Gina Gershon
- Narrated by: Gina Gershon
- Length: 3 hrs and 12 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 62
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 55
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 54
In Search of Cleo follows Gina’s desperation and despair when her assistant loses her beloved cat, Cleo. Gina spends two months roaming the back streets of Los Angeles at all hours of the night, searching for Cleo and meeting several quirky and outrageous characters who help or hinder her in different ways, including Ellen DeGeneres, who searches with Gina and recommends her pet psychic, Sonia; Arthur, the newspaper delivery man who gives her advice; and the mysterious fortune-teller....
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5 out of 5 stars
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Loved it!!!
- By Kathryn Prusick Gould on 03-15-16
By: Gina Gershon
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Talk British to Me
- By: Robin Bielman
- Narrated by: Reagan West, Oliver Clarke
- Length: 9 hrs and 35 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 31
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Performance5 out of 5 stars 29
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 29
As the Dating Guy on L.A.'s top morning show, I give the single guy's perspective on dating, love, and sex - and I give great advice. Everyone's hooking up...well, except for me. Sure, I can get any woman I want, but I've got a no-relationship clause in my contract, and the only woman I want has relationship written all over her. Unfortunately, she wants nothing to do with me. At all. Something about the next Ice Age might have even come up in her rebuttal. Adorable.
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4 out of 5 stars
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Not a fan
- By Amazon Customer on 02-08-23
By: Robin Bielman
What listeners say about 250 Ultimate Funny Pick Up Lines
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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Overall4 out of 5 stars
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Performance4 out of 5 stars
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Story4 out of 5 stars
- Kindle Customer
- 10-21-22
good
Loved it !! this story. the narrator is so fantastic it's like your really there!! good overall
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Overall2 out of 5 stars
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Performance4 out of 5 stars
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Story2 out of 5 stars
- Amanda
- 12-18-20
Lame, pretty stupid
The title of my review says it all. Not very funny. I would buy this. Definitely don’t waste your few dollars.
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Overall1 out of 5 stars
- GeddyLeeGlee
- 03-29-17
I bought it so you don't have to! Pretty bad.
Other than what's in the description, there is pretty much nothing funny here, stuff you'd hear in middle school hallways.
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1 person found this helpful