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Why My Third Husband Will Be a Dog
- The Amazing Adventures of an Ordinary Woman
- Narrated by: Lisa Scottoline, Francesca Serritella
- Length: 6 hrs and 13 mins
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Publisher's summary
A hilarious collection of stories from the life of The New York Times bestselling author of Look Again
At last, together in one collection, are Lisa Scottoline's wildly popular Philadelphia Inquirer columns. In her column, Lisa lets her hair down, roots and all, to show the humorous side of life from a woman's perspective. The Sunday column debuted in 2007 and on the day it started, Lisa wrote, "I write novels, so I usually have 100,000 words to tell a story. In a column there's only 700 words. I can barely say hello in 700 words. I'm Italian." The column gained momentum and popularity. Word of mouth spread, and readers demanded a collection. Why My Third Husband Will Be a Dog is that collection. Seventy vignettes. Vintage Scottoline.
In this collection, you'll laugh about:
• Being caught braless in the emergency room
• Betty and Veronica's Life Lessons for Girls
• A man's most important body part
• Interrupting as an art form
• A religion men and women can worship
• Real estate ads as porn
• Spanx are public enemy number one
• And so much more about life, love, family, pets, and the pursuit of jeans that actually fit!
Critic reviews
“Mystery writer Lisa Scottoline's clever observations are snappy and funny, and her narration of this collection of her "Chick Wit" columns for the Philadelphia Inquirer is fast paced, animated...and funny...Scottoline's wit and wisdom are a treat.” —AudioFile, Earphones Award Winner
“This audiobook was made better by having been read by Ms. Scottoline herself, along with a guest appearance from her daughter, Francesca Serritella, because only she could have known the exact tone the story needed to be read in. Women and men alike will find something to laugh and smile about in this riotous romp.” —Simply Ali
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In a manner evoking Ian McEwan's Atonement and Nick Hornby's About a Boy, acclaimed author Joyce Maynard weaves a beautiful, poignant tale of love, sex, adolescence, and devastating treachery as seen through the eyes of a young teenage boy - and the man he later becomes - looking back at an unexpected encounter that begins one single, long, hot, life-altering weekend.
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Good story but anti clamatic
- By Nana on 11-25-13
By: Joyce Maynard
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Miss Fortune
- Fresh Perspectives on Having It All from Someone Who Is Not Okay
- By: Lauren Weedman
- Narrated by: Lauren Weedman
- Length: 8 hrs and 33 mins
- Unabridged
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Lauren Weedman is not okay. She's living what should be the good life in sunny Los Angeles. After a gig as a correspondent with The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, she scored parts in blockbuster movies, which led to memorable recurring roles on HBO's Hung and Looking. She had a loving husband and an adorable baby boy. In these comedic essays, she turns a piercingly observant, darkly funny lens on the ways her life is actually not okay.
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Good
- By Ajules29 on 04-02-16
By: Lauren Weedman
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My Inappropriate Life
- Some Material Not Suitable for Small Children, Nuns, or Mature Adults
- By: Heather McDonald
- Narrated by: Heather McDonald
- Length: 5 hrs and 42 mins
- Unabridged
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In her hilarious New York Times best seller You’ll Never Blue Ball in This Town Again, Heather McDonald recounted her adventures as an unwilling virgin in Hollywood. Now happily married with three wonderful kids, she shows that life as a grown-up - even a pretend grown-up - has its challenges. Heather’s a working mom with parents who live next door, a sister who keeps asking for one of her still-fertile eggs, and friends who are up to more hijinks than even Heather can handle.
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Irritating
- By TrishS on 04-23-13
By: Heather McDonald
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Fat Girl Walking
- Sex, Food, Love, and Being Comfortable in Your Skin...Every Inch of It
- By: Brittany Gibbons
- Narrated by: Lauren Fortgang
- Length: 6 hrs and 32 mins
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Fat Girl Walking is a collection of stories from my life, my thoughts about the issues that I have faced as a woman, wife, mom, daughter, daughter-in-law, and Internet personality in regards to my weight. I have tried to be as honest as I possibly could - apologies in advance to my husband and parents, but hopefully any discomfort you feel is quickly replaced by laughter.
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One Woman's Body; One Woman's Story
- By Meghan Matt on 06-03-15
By: Brittany Gibbons
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If It's Not One Thing, It's Your Mother
- By: Julia Sweeney
- Narrated by: Julia Sweeney
- Length: 6 hrs and 39 mins
- Unabridged
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Since her time on Saturday Night Live, where she created the infamous androgynous character "Pat", Julia Sweeney has gone on to establish herself as a witty, captivating performer of one-woman shows, like God Said Ha!, In the Family Way, and Letting Go of God. She gave a TED talk sharing how she explained the birds and the bees to her eight-year-old daughter, Mulan, which ignited an incredible response. Now, when it comes to talking about motherhood, people want to hear what Julia has to say.
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I Love Julia Sweeney
- By Lisa on 04-05-13
By: Julia Sweeney
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#IMomSoHard
- By: Kristin Hensley, Jen Smedley
- Narrated by: Kristin Hensley, Jen Smedley
- Length: 7 hrs and 19 mins
- Unabridged
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In their highly anticipated first audiobook, the hilarious mom duo with millions of followers explores all the ridiculous shit you’re expected to do to keep multiple humans alive and happy-ish and celebrates the love for the friends who get you through it.
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IRelateSoHard
- By Peekablue on 04-20-19
By: Kristin Hensley, and others
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May We Be Forgiven
- By: A. M. Homes
- Narrated by: Andy Paris
- Length: 20 hrs and 43 mins
- Unabridged
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May We Be Forgiven, a darkly comic novel of 21st-century domestic life, stars Harold Silver, a historian who's always been jealous of his successful brother, George. But when the hot-tempered George is institutionalized for committing a violent act, Harold finds himself comforting his brother's wife and children. What follows is a scathing examination of a family so fractured it may never be whole again.
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Give this one a try!
- By JWB on 02-13-13
By: A. M. Homes
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The Admissions
- A Novel
- By: Meg Mitchell Moore
- Narrated by: Allyson Ryan
- Length: 14 hrs and 35 mins
- Unabridged
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Story
The Hawthorne family has it all. Great jobs, a beautiful house in one of the most affluent areas of Northern California, and three charming kids whose sunny futures are all but assured. And then comes their eldest daughter's senior year of high school....
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Anything for success
- By JillHen on 09-13-15
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I Regret Nothing
- A Memoir
- By: Jen Lancaster
- Narrated by: Jen Lancaster
- Length: 9 hrs and 50 mins
- Unabridged
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New York Times best-selling author Jen Lancaster has lived a life based on re-invention and self-improvement. From Bitter Is the New Black to The Tao of Martha, she’s managed to document her (and her generation’s) attempts to shape up, grow up, and have it all - sometimes with disastrous results...Mistakes are one thing; regrets are another. After a girls’ weekend in Savannah makes her realize that she is - yikes! - middle-aged (binge watching is so the new binge drinking), Jen decides to make a bucket list and seize the day.
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The Smug Is Strong With This One
- By T. Filowitz on 05-24-15
By: Jen Lancaster
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I Hate Everyone, Except You
- By: Clinton Kelly
- Narrated by: Clinton Kelly
- Length: 4 hrs and 55 mins
- Unabridged
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Clinton Kelly is probably best known for teaching women how to make their butts look smaller. But in I Hate Everyone, Except You, he reveals some heretofore unknown secrets about himself, like that he's a finicky connoisseur of 1980s pornography, a disillusioned critic of New Jersey's premier water parks, and perhaps the world's least enthused high school commencement speaker.
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Filthy language overshadowed stories
- By Doris on 04-29-17
By: Clinton Kelly
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Everything Is Awful
- And Other Observations
- By: Matt Bellassai
- Narrated by: Matt Bellassai
- Length: 6 hrs and 16 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Story
From the break-out star of BuzzFeed and the People's Choice Award-winning comedian comes a collection of hilariously anguished essays chronicling awful moments from his life so far, the humiliations of being an adult, and other little indignities. Matt Bellassai has no idea what he's doing. Well, to be fair, he did become semi-Internet famous by getting drunk at work, making him a socially-acceptable - nay - professional alcoholic. He's got some things figured out. But the rest is all just a terrible, disgusting mess.
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Best Audio Book I’ve heard ever.
- By M on 11-23-17
By: Matt Bellassai
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The Unspeakable
- And Other Subjects of Discussion
- By: Meghan Daum
- Narrated by: Meghan Daum
- Length: 6 hrs and 48 mins
- Unabridged
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It's a report tempered by hard times. In "Matricide", Daum unflinchingly describes a parent's death and the uncomfortable emotions it provokes; and in "Diary of a Coma" she relates her own journey to the twilight of the mind. But Daum also operates in a comic register. With perfect precision, she reveals the absurdities of the marriage-industrial complex, of the New Age dating market, and of the peculiar habits of the young and digital.
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Complaining about her dead mom.
- By Erik Hermansen on 11-23-14
By: Meghan Daum
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Spelling It Like It Is
- By: Tori Spelling
- Narrated by: Tori Spelling
- Length: 6 hrs and 58 mins
- Unabridged
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Tori Spelling is the first to admit that the "reality" behind her popular television show, Tori & Dean, isn't always real. Not even Star magazine could invent the true chaos that happens behind the scenes. Luckily, Tori is famously honest and self-deprecatingly funny when it comes to her personal life - she's always "Spelling it like it is". Tori here shares her stories, her biggest challenges, and more with the usual humor, candor, and down-to-earth charm that her fans love.
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I Spell Opportunist: T O R I S P E L L I N G
- By Hilary on 07-22-14
By: Tori Spelling
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When reporter Ellen Gleeson gets a "Have You Seen This Child?" flyer in the mail, she almost throws it away. But something about it makes her look again, and her heart stops—the child in the photo is identical to her adopted son, Will. Her every instinct tells her to deny the similarity between the boys, because she knows her adoption was lawful. But she's a journalist and won't be able to stop thinking about the photo until she figures out the truth. And she can't shake the question: if Will rightfully belongs to someone else, should she keep him or give him up?
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Oh my gosh! You have outdone yourself! 💚🍀
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Franco Fiorvanti is a handsome lemon grower toiling on the estate of a baron. He dreams of owning his own grove, but the rigid class system of Sicily thwarts his ambition. Determined to secure a better future, Franco will do anything to prove his loyalty to the baron. But when the baron asks him to kidnap a little boy named Dante, Franco makes a decision that will change his life—and even the history of Sicily—forever.
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When reporter Ellen Gleeson gets a "Have You Seen This Child?" flyer in the mail, she almost throws it away. But something about it makes her look again, and her heart stops—the child in the photo is identical to her adopted son, Will. Her every instinct tells her to deny the similarity between the boys, because she knows her adoption was lawful. But she's a journalist and won't be able to stop thinking about the photo until she figures out the truth. And she can't shake the question: if Will rightfully belongs to someone else, should she keep him or give him up?
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Dr. Eric Parrish is the chief of the psychiatric unit at Havemeyer General Hospital outside of Philadelphia. Recently separated from his wife, Alice, he is doing his best as a single dad to his seven-year-old daughter, Hannah. His work seems to be going better than his homelife, however. His unit at the hospital has just been named number two in the country and, Eric has a devoted staff of doctors and nurses who are as caring as he is. But when he takes on a new patient, Eric's entire world begins to crumble.
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New York Times bestselling author Lisa Scottoline and her daughter Francesca Serritella are the best of friends—99.9% of the time. They're number one on each other's speed dial and they tell each other everything—well, almost everything. They share shoes and clothes—except one very special green jacket, which almost caused a catfight. In other words, they're just like every mother and daughter in the world. Best friends, and occasional enemies. Now they're dishing about it all—their lives, their relationship, and their carb count.
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Cate Fante is strong and smart, but when she gets appointed a federal judge, even she wonders if she can do the job justice. She's in her 30s, and she feels like she's joining the world's most exclusive retirement village. But Cate keeps her doubts a secret. And, as it happens, much else. For she leads a dark, double life that she hides from everyone.
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Blonde of little brain
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Meet Me at Emotional Baggage Claim
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In Meet Me at the Emotional Baggage Claim, the mother-daughter duo of Lisa Scottoline and Francesca Serritella continue the conversation with more hilarious and honest tales of life inside an ordinary, extraordinary family. These stories will make you laugh, cry, and call your mother, daughter, and all your girlfriends.
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I could not get past the first chapter
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Accused
- Rosato & DiNunzio, Book 1
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Bennie Rosato, Mary DiNunzio, Judy Carrier, and Anne Murphy are back with all cylinders firing in Accused. Mary Dinuzio has just been promoted to partner and is about to take on her most unusual case yet, brought to the firm by a thirteen-year-old genius with a penchant for beekeeping. Allegra Gardner's sister Fiona was murdered six years ago, and it seemed like an open-and-shut case: the accused, Lonnie Stall, was seen fleeing the scene; his blood was on Fiona and her blood was on him; most damningly, Lonnie Stall pleaded guilty.
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A "chick" legal thriller
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After Anna
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Dr. Noah Alderman, a widower and single father, has remarried a wonderful woman, Maggie Ippolitti, and for the first time in a long time, he and his young son are happy. Despite her longing for the daughter she hasn’t seen since she was a baby, Maggie is happy too, and she’s even more overjoyed when she unexpectedly gets another chance to be a mother to the child she thought she'd lost forever, her only daughter Anna.
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So Terrible.......
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My Nest Isn't Empty, It Just Has More Closet Space
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Critics, readers, and listeners loved Lisa Scottoline's first collection of true-life stories, which only encouraged her—now she's back with these all-new, exciting adventures. She's farther down the road now, and the scenery has changed—ex-husbands Thing One and Thing Two are in her rear-view mirror, daughter Francesca has moved into an apartment, and Lisa's finding the silver lining in her empty nest, which has lots more room for her shoes. And some things have stayed the same.
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So touching, funny, wonderful
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Lisa and Francesca are back with another collection of warm and witty stories that will strike a chord with every woman. This six-book series is among the best reviewed humor books published today and has been compared to the late greats, Erma Bombeck and Nora Ephron. Delia Ephron said of the fifth book in the series, Have a Nice Guilt Trip, "Lisa and Francesca, mother and daughter, bring you the laughter of their lives once again and better than ever."
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Love, love, love
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When Dr. Mike Scanlon is called to serve as an army doctor in Afghanistan, he’s acutely aware of the dangers he’ll face and the hardships it will bring his wife, Chloe, and their newborn baby. And deep inside, he doesn’t think of himself as a hero, but a healer. However, in an ironic turn of events, as Mike operates on a wounded soldier in a war-torn country, Chloe dies at home in the suburbs, in an apparently freak household accident. Devastated, he returns home to bury her, only to discover that the life he left behind has fallen apart.
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Think I expected something different
- By Kathi on 04-09-13
By: Lisa Scottoline
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Come Home
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Jill Farrow is a typical suburban mom who has finally gotten her and her daughter's lives back on track after a divorce. She is about to remarry, her job as a pediatrician fulfills her - though it is stressful - and her daughter, Megan, is a happily overscheduled thirteen-year-old juggling homework and the swim team. But Jill’s life is turned upside down when her ex-stepdaughter, Abby, shows up on her doorstep late one night and delivers shocking news: Jill’s ex-husband is dead. Abby insists that he was murdered and pleads with Jill to help find his killer.
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Oh no...my ears!!!
- By Pamela Harvey on 04-15-12
By: Lisa Scottoline
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Most Wanted
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Christine Nilsson and her husband, Marcus, are desperate for a baby. Unable to conceive, they find themselves facing a difficult choice they had never anticipated. After many appointments with specialists, endless research, and countless conversations, they make the decision to use a donor.
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Great start, but...
- By Moses on 04-15-16
By: Lisa Scottoline
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Daddy's Girl
- By: Lisa Scottoline
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- Unabridged
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Overall
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Law professor Natalie Greco has an ordered life. Then, one terrible day, everything changes. While visiting a prison, a riot erupts and a prison guard is fatally injured. Nat rushes to help him, only to hear his last words: "Tell my wife. It's under the floor. The money." Nat feels she must find his widow. But this is no simple quest, and along the way, Nat is framed for murder and the retiring scholar finds herself in a desperate fight to save her own life.
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Great book
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What listeners say about Why My Third Husband Will Be a Dog
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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Overall
- Joy
- 01-01-11
Hilarious book, great on the road
I loved this book and I know many women will relate to the hysterical vignettes by Lisa Scottoline. This book is a great way to get in a good mood; on your way to work or to see your mother-in-law!
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3 people found this helpful
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- Cheryl
- 07-19-16
i think she's my bestie!
Although I may never meet Lisa she is so much like me in thought that I've decided she's my long distance bff. While I'm driving I will listen to her for many years to come! These short stories are a perfect pick me up!
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2 people found this helpful
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- Mary Anne Miller
- 07-17-15
Love this series
This will give you a giggle, a laugh and sense of sisterhood.
All I need to make a frown upside down.
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1 person found this helpful
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
- Carole Wooten
- 06-06-15
Brought me to tears and made me laugh
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3.5 Stars!
I have enjoyed Lisa Scottoline's writing for quite some time. I would have to say that I became a pretty big fan of hers when I went to an author event at my local library when she was touring for Look Again. I couldn't believe how much fun I had listening to her. She was funny and she threw snack cakes at the audience which is always a plus. I went home that night with a huge grin on my face, a snack cake to devour later on, and a brand new tote bag that she gave me for buying several of her novels. I don't really know what I waited until now to read this book since I know how funny she can be.
Just a couple of weeks ago, Lisa made a return visit to my town to promote her new book Every Fifteen Minutes. This event was just as much fun as the first. There weren't any snack cakes this time...but there was wine and cheese so I don't think any missed the snack cakes. I spent some time talking to other fans at the event and learned that Lisa actually narrates the audiobooks for her humorous books. I had just finished an audiobook so I downloaded this book and started listening right away.
This is a compilation of articles, some of which I think I may have read before when they were originally published in a newspaper column. Some of the stories were laugh out loud funny. Some made me chuckle just a little bit. One story actually made me cry which is crazy. I hardly ever cry and especially not on my way to work over an audiobook. I was really very impressed that this book was able to bring out so much emotion. I am amazed by how much I could relate to Lisa Scottoline and in many ways her story felt like some of my own.
I liked the fact that this book was really 90 different stories. Yes, there were 90 chapters in my audiobook and each chapter was a completely different story. You learned a lot about many of the people in the book and the stories did build upon that knowledge but any of the stories could be listened to independently without any problem. This was a perfect set up for me because I work just a few miles from my house so I could listen to a couple of stories in the car on the way to work and not worry about stopping in the middle of a chapter. I even listened to it when my family was in the car and felt no embarrassment. My daughter was embarrassed but I had no problems and I even caught my husband and daughter laughing a couple of times.
The narration was perfect. I wish that she would narrate all of her books because she is a fabulous narrator. Her daughter even authored and narrated a few of the chapters and it was nice to hear her perspective. Generally, I have found that authors can be the best narrators because they know how they envisioned the story be told. This book is really Lisa Scottoline's life told through stories and I can't think of anyone else I would have wanted as a narrator.
I would recommend this book to others. I know that my mother will love this book and I plan to help her get it on her kindle the next time I see her. I will definitely be reading more from Lisa Scottoline in the future.
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- Fay
- 09-03-12
Not sure why I didn't love it.
Would you recommend this book to a friend? Why or why not?
Although this collection of essays (newspaper columns) is charming, I found it hard to stay engaged for more than a chapter at a time. Since I have read Ms. Scottoline's novels voraciously, I was disappointed that I couldn't really get engrossed in her monologue. Well, I should say duo-logue, since her daughter periodically shared her own stories/opinions. I think I would recommend it to a friend, but clarify the book is better for short stints. It's neither gripping nor particularly memorable, though it has many moments of hilarity, wit and poignancy. For example,she tells of arranging for her mother to be met with a wheelchair at the airport. The image she conveys of her mother marching along the concourse while a helpless attendant pushes the asked-for wheelchair along behind the hearing-aidless-so-oblivious-woman is absolutely priceless and endearing.
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- Lisa
- 01-30-12
Funny and Touching
I laughed. I cried. I love the Scottoline family and all their crazy, heart-warming antics.
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- Anonymous User
- 07-30-22
a sample
I don't need to listen to this book to tell you it is very sexist and the author is very full of herself this is a waste of time I'm not even going to download it
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- mlillizard
- 10-02-12
Light and easy
Would you recommend this book to a friend? Why or why not?
Only as a "bathroom book"...something to fill in a few minutes here and there.
What was the most interesting aspect of this story? The least interesting?
The down to earth mood, I felt like I got to know the author.
If this book were a movie would you go see it?
No.
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- Sue F.
- 09-12-12
Booooooring
Would you try another book from Lisa Scottoline and/or Lisa Scottoline and Francesca Serritella ?
No, this book is full of platitudes and totally mundane recollections of an everyday life.
What was most disappointing about Lisa Scottoline’s story?
It was so average.
How did the narrator detract from the book?
She seemed as underwhelmed as I was.
What reaction did this book spark in you? Anger, sadness, disappointment?
Disappointment and boredom.
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- Kay
- 09-03-12
Not worth much
What would have made Why My Third Husband Will Be a Dog better?
I guess I like her stories better -- the short pieces were just not worth listening to.
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