• I Don’t Care about Your Band

  • What I Learned from Indie Rockers, Trust Funders, Pornographers, Felons, Faux-Sensitive Hipsters, and Other Guys I’ve Dated
  • By: Julie Klausner
  • Narrated by: Julie Klausner
  • Length: 6 hrs and 27 mins
  • Unabridged Audiobook
  • Release date: 12-19-12
  • Language: English
  • Publisher: Audible Studios
  • 4 out of 5 stars 3.8 (278 ratings)
  • Whispersync for Voice-ready

Regular price: $19.95

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Publisher's Summary

In the tradition of Cynthia Heimel and Chelsea Handler, and with the boisterous iconoclasm of Amy Sedaris, Julie Klausner's candid and funny debut I Don't Care about Your Band sheds light on the humiliations we endure to find love - and the lessons that can be culled from the wreckage.
I Don't Care about Your Band posits that lately the worst guys to date are the ones who seem sensitive. It's the jerks in nice guy clothing, not the players in Ed Hardy, who break the hearts of modern girls who grew up in the shadow of feminism, thinking they could have everything, but end up compromising constantly. The cowards, the kidults, the critics, and the contenders: these are the stars of Klausner's memoir about how hard it is to find a man - good or otherwise - when you're a cynical grown-up exiled in the dregs of Guyville.
Off the popularity of her New York Times "Modern Love" piece about getting the brush-off from an indie rock musician, I Don't Care about Your Band is marbled with the wry strains of Julie Klausner's precocious curmudgeonry and brimming with truths that anyone who's ever been on a date will relate to. Klausner is an expert at landing herself waist-deep in crazy, time and time again, in part because her experience as a comedy writer (Best Week Ever, "TV Funhouse" on SNL) and sketch comedian from NYC's Upright Citizens Brigade fuels her philosophy of how any scene should unfold, which is, "What? That sounds crazy? Okay, I'll do it."
I Don't Care about Your Band charts a distinctly human journey of a strong-willed but vulnerable protagonist who loves men like it's her job, but who's done with guys who know more about love songs than love. Klausner's is a new outlook on dating in a time of pop culture obsession, and she spent her 20s doing personal field research to back up her philosophies. This is the girl's version of High Fidelity.
By turns explicit, funny, and moving, Klausner's debut shows the evolution of a young woman who endured myriad encounters with the wrong guys, to emerge with real- world wisdom on matters of the heart. I Don't Care about Your Band is Julie Klausner's manifesto, and every one of us can relate.
©2010 Julie Klausner (P)2012 Audible, Inc.
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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful
5 out of 5 stars
By mendolynne on 05-30-14

As flirty as a pleated skirt

Just loved this book. It kept me laughing throughout. Her fearless retelling of the myriad of relationships she's lived through was hilarious and illuminating. Her narration fit the material perfectly. Much like a brilliant night at a comedy club, to which I rarely get to go, this was a real treat. Massive collection of perfect one liners in this book. Ah, but there was some collateral damage—dumped the latest guy in my life. One of her tales matched mine exactly. She saved me much unneeded emotional kerfuffle. My heartfelt thanks Julie!

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8 of 8 people found this review helpful

4 out of 5 stars
By Pamela Harvey on 01-02-13

Shopping for Men at the Wrong Mall

I didn't expect to relate to, like or even enjoy this listen, but, in fact I found it to be off-the-charts entertaining. I knew what to expect on the "raunch meter", so I was not surprised nor offended. There were so many cringe-worthy moments that I became somewhat immune to the literality of description, and just gave in to the laughter and to the voyeuristic captures of Klausner's postcards from the Department of Damaged Men.

I loved reading this book, and laughed out loud most of the time, though I don't find stories of trying to succeed with the most disconnected, unattractive and unavailable men to be encouraging. But I think for some women, this is the way it is, and Klausner writes with the kind of detachment that sheds humor on an otherwise bleak situation. Over the course of her life, she has certainly developed much material.

I have no idea of Klausner's age, but haven't women already given up on having a man at all costs? I think, at least in my universe, partnering should be for enhancement of one's life, and not a liability, with which one must "deal". But many still think that for both economic and social reasons, at all costs, it's better to be a couple and pay the price. If a guy isn't adding to your life experiences, but instead comes with so many workarounds and glitches that must constantly be dealt with, why invest the time? Why complicate things, by bringing in men who disappoint on so many levels, major and minor, and why not simply choose to remain unattached?

I am presumably from an older generation than Klausner, but I could relate to many of the situations she encounters, and to her attempted connections with men that have gone way past their "sell by" date. One gets the impression that there are huge and damaging costs to bringing a damaged man into one's life. There are far worse things than being alone - i.e. having to maintain a "relationship" that is an encumbrance rather than an asset.

And just to satisfy affirmative action, the gender roles could easily be switched, and a similar hilarious romp could be written by a man. But whining and ranting about women is not considered especially "appropriate" in our current cultural climate, and I don't think such whines would sell.

Though I found the circumstances rather extreme in some cases, and couldn't relate to all stories, I still enjoyed reading this, and laughed all the time I was listening.

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36 of 42 people found this review helpful

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful
3 out of 5 stars
By mr on 12-23-15

Calls the mentally ill 'crazy'

Would you say that listening to this book was time well-spent? Why or why not?

Yes, fun & captivating.

Did the narration match the pace of the story?


If this book were a film would you go see it?

No, as too many separate stories and thus scenes.

Any additional comments?

I love the stories in this book, she tells them well too. Though more than a little offensive. Calls the mentally ill 'weird', 'crazy' & 'nuts. Uses offensive language like 'tranny'. And says people who self harm are after attention. I find this leaves a bitter taste in my mouth after reading the book.

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1 of 1 people found this review helpful

3 out of 5 stars
By Kris H. on 04-11-18

Not what I was hoping for but passed the time

I was drawn to this book for what I saw as the promise of its title, that of a funny, personal deconstruction of straight dude's dating expectations. In reality it only briefly alludes to the "support your man in his hobby, but don't expect him to care about yours" double standard, and perhaps not even that explicitly. There are many missed opportunities to comment on gender expectations and less solidarity with other women than I would have hoped. Also watch out for casual transphobia, a few dull stereotypes, and arguably a bit of kink shaming.

Klausner is clearly clever and has some witty observations and funny stories to share, but the prose can get overwrought and plenty of dead-end details should have been cut in the edit. I had a good enough time listening to this in the background but it's getting returned.

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