I Don’t Care about Your Band

  • by Julie Klausner
  • Narrated by Julie Klausner
  • 6 hrs and 27 mins
  • Unabridged Audiobook

Publisher's Summary

In the tradition of Cynthia Heimel and Chelsea Handler, and with the boisterous iconoclasm of Amy Sedaris, Julie Klausner's candid and funny debut I Don't Care about Your Band sheds light on the humiliations we endure to find love - and the lessons that can be culled from the wreckage.
I Don't Care about Your Band posits that lately the worst guys to date are the ones who seem sensitive. It's the jerks in nice guy clothing, not the players in Ed Hardy, who break the hearts of modern girls who grew up in the shadow of feminism, thinking they could have everything, but end up compromising constantly. The cowards, the kidults, the critics, and the contenders: these are the stars of Klausner's memoir about how hard it is to find a man - good or otherwise - when you're a cynical grown-up exiled in the dregs of Guyville.
Off the popularity of her New York Times "Modern Love" piece about getting the brush-off from an indie rock musician, I Don't Care about Your Band is marbled with the wry strains of Julie Klausner's precocious curmudgeonry and brimming with truths that anyone who's ever been on a date will relate to. Klausner is an expert at landing herself waist-deep in crazy, time and time again, in part because her experience as a comedy writer (Best Week Ever, "TV Funhouse" on SNL) and sketch comedian from NYC's Upright Citizens Brigade fuels her philosophy of how any scene should unfold, which is, "What? That sounds crazy? Okay, I'll do it."
I Don't Care about Your Band charts a distinctly human journey of a strong-willed but vulnerable protagonist who loves men like it's her job, but who's done with guys who know more about love songs than love. Klausner's is a new outlook on dating in a time of pop culture obsession, and she spent her 20s doing personal field research to back up her philosophies. This is the girl's version of High Fidelity.
By turns explicit, funny, and moving, Klausner's debut shows the evolution of a young woman who endured myriad encounters with the wrong guys, to emerge with real- world wisdom on matters of the heart. I Don't Care about Your Band is Julie Klausner's manifesto, and every one of us can relate.


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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful

Shopping for Men at the Wrong Mall

I didn't expect to relate to, like or even enjoy this listen, but, in fact I found it to be off-the-charts entertaining. I knew what to expect on the "raunch meter", so I was not surprised nor offended. There were so many cringe-worthy moments that I became somewhat immune to the literality of description, and just gave in to the laughter and to the voyeuristic captures of Klausner's postcards from the Department of Damaged Men.

I loved reading this book, and laughed out loud most of the time, though I don't find stories of trying to succeed with the most disconnected, unattractive and unavailable men to be encouraging. But I think for some women, this is the way it is, and Klausner writes with the kind of detachment that sheds humor on an otherwise bleak situation. Over the course of her life, she has certainly developed much material.

I have no idea of Klausner's age, but haven't women already given up on having a man at all costs? I think, at least in my universe, partnering should be for enhancement of one's life, and not a liability, with which one must "deal". But many still think that for both economic and social reasons, at all costs, it's better to be a couple and pay the price. If a guy isn't adding to your life experiences, but instead comes with so many workarounds and glitches that must constantly be dealt with, why invest the time? Why complicate things, by bringing in men who disappoint on so many levels, major and minor, and why not simply choose to remain unattached?

I am presumably from an older generation than Klausner, but I could relate to many of the situations she encounters, and to her attempted connections with men that have gone way past their "sell by" date. One gets the impression that there are huge and damaging costs to bringing a damaged man into one's life. There are far worse things than being alone - i.e. having to maintain a "relationship" that is an encumbrance rather than an asset.

And just to satisfy affirmative action, the gender roles could easily be switched, and a similar hilarious romp could be written by a man. But whining and ranting about women is not considered especially "appropriate" in our current cultural climate, and I don't think such whines would sell.

Though I found the circumstances rather extreme in some cases, and couldn't relate to all stories, I still enjoyed reading this, and laughed all the time I was listening.
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- Pamela Harvey "glam"

I Don't Care About How Much You Hate Men

No one can argue that Julie Klausner is an intelligent, extremely gifted, clever lady with anecdotes for days about her dating follies, or should I say foibles. Having my own series of comical dating missteps, there were plenty of times throughout this book that I could completely identify and I laughed heartily at her sassy quips. But then, she takes unexpected turns down dark alleys and gets reeeealllllly candid; it gets twisted and uncomfortable and I can't wait until she redirects out of her hate rant. Hey, I have horror stories too, but hers seem out of place in this mostly comedic account of her dating life. Sometimes it is downright painful to listen to the jabs she takes at her (likely unwitting) suitors, but more troubling is comprehending the self-inflicted jeopardy she routinely deposited herself in. I guess I appreciate her utter honesty, but I can't decide if all of it should have been contained in one book; it can be jarring. The thing that bugged me the most was her abhor and contempt for the men she loved so quickly, and then turned on like a viper when things didn't work out quite like she planned. She was such a WILLING victim, I feel a good portion of the poop soup was made with her own hands. At the end of the day, love is worth it, if you stop picking the low-hanging fruit and realize you can reach for more.
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- Hilary "avoiding road rage one book at a time..."

Book Details

  • Release Date: 12-19-2012
  • Publisher: Audible Studios